Monday, October 6, 2008

A twist of turn..HELP!

It is just like any other day... the final day of holiday in fact...My beloved planned to go to FÜSEM (where he is assigned as a director there by the university..)... the kids n i decided to tag along... not to his work place of course..but to Kanyon..a shopping complex nearby where there r 2 major bookstores with loads of recent varieties of english novels (trust me.. u cant find english novels varieties much here)...in my mind... i wanted to sink myself in the pleasure of choosing the books i wanna buy...with the kids choosing their own... but before that... we stopped at FÜSEM first n had lunch as a family...

It was before we had our lunch when i was approached by one of the FÜSEM staffs to ask whether i wanted give an english lecture or two for one of the english programmes that they offer..this one is for the staffs of a local bank... halil once approached me with the same proposal n i flatly said *no* to him...i was simply happy to be the lazy housewife... n a mother of two...

Today however...i dunno what got into me...maybe i was in a good mood.. happy to be with my beloved n the kids...i said *yes*... n after i finished the shoppng of books at kanyon... i had a chat with the coordinator of the english department again...it was to be business english or something... reading n listening n speaking or something (3 divisions)..... lectures to be 3 hours per lecture n at nite...The guy wanted me to give 2 lectures.. which means 2 nites... but i refused coz i wont be around for the kids for 2 nites then... that would be unthinkable!! n who will look after them??? my beloved can only spare a nite only... he is after all a very busy busy guy......

But as i was on my way home today...as i was sitting in the car...i was in shock...
*what have i done??*
agreeing to give 3 hours lecture at nite??? I mean... how long ago have i left this field?? I am practically rusty!! to be teaching reading... listening n speaking??? these r adults...those in the finance field...they r not high school kids where u can *auta* whenever u feel like it...will i be able to manage it?? will i mess this up??i am not sure i can do this... i dont wanna shame my beloved... i dont want his staff to say..*ahhh halilz hoca's wife is a terrible teacher!!*

I am sure u will say or think... (esp my tesl friends)...

*awwwwwwww come on simah!! grow up!!!this is only 3 hours lecture per week!! u will be teaching adults and look at us!!!... having to teach high school kids for sooo many hours with sooo much stress... urs will be peanuts!shame on u for acting like this!!*...

sigh...i know...i know... but i am really scared... it is not the matter of money... the money is simply peanut esp since it will be 3 hours per week only.. why work when i can spend all my belovedz salary which comes every month......but i think...my beloved had arranged this so that his beloved wife will be getting lively again.. to have something to do ...to have something to think about...doing something she was trained to do...something which she love......to get back into the jest of life...

He said i have his fullest confidence..but i am simply scared... i am sooooooooooooooooo rusty.... but then..maybe this is just what i need to liven up my dying spirit...??? i dunno...

Maybe this is just like driving.. i was sooo scared driving in istanbul..of the narrow streets..of the vehicles which never stop honking... rule breakers of the traffic... but now... i am no longer what i was... i have outgrown my fears... even my beloved had complimented my driving when i drove to umraniye carrefour on that eve of my birthday....i guess the same thing is with teaching... once i am into the heat of things... i suppose i will be ok... pls..pray for me??

anyway.. why am i making a mountain out of a mole hill eh? maybe because this is something new? maybe because this will be the beginning of a change?? perhaps my inner self??am i revolving????

i am cycling my mountainbike... i am driving our matrix... n now a bit of teaching?? So many things r happening post Malaysia... i dunno if they r good or bad... All i can say is...*hayırlı olsun*... (InsyaAllah they happen for te best).....at least this one...i wont need to open my headscarf to teach...coz the students r not liberal students n the lecture will be done at their workplace... so the headcover ban does not apply here...so for this semester at least... i guess i will teach... scared? u bet! will i brave it thru successfully? insyaAllah..i need all the doa i can get... esp for a rusty girl like me!!!




Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

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15 Comments:

Blogger D said...

simah, congratulations!!! you may be a little rusty but I'm sure with some preparation and brushing up, you'll be back on your feet... ha, cerita panjang check email yea!

yes, kids are no longer babies, so mommy can now have some time on her own - WORKING!! LOL

October 6, 2008 at 9:26 PM  
Blogger Hazia said...

That sounds like a great idea. I'm surprised that you didn't do this earlier. N i think it won't be as scary as driving kot, LOL!
Good luck, maybe can increase the hours in the future:)

October 7, 2008 at 3:30 AM  
Blogger Mama Rock said...

eh sister, you will only stutter when you start your greetings, then it will just flow as smoothly as it could. macam naik basikal la ni.

hehe, i was also scared to go back to school when i did my masters after 20 years I graduated. memang le otak karat sikit, but it shines by itself lepas tu...keh keh keh!

good luck and I am sure you'll do us proud!

October 7, 2008 at 5:22 AM  
Blogger Kak Elle said...

go for it simah you need the exposure:)

3 hrs only it pass very fast and next I prob will read Simah doing 3 nites a week ... haha

October 7, 2008 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Queen Of The House said...

Simah, this is good news!! There is no doubt you will sail through this, so there is really no need to be afraid. Think "Supermom" !!!

Congratulations and good luck.

October 7, 2008 at 6:09 AM  
Blogger Ms B said...

babe,

u never know until u give it a try. *winks*

October 8, 2008 at 1:05 AM  
Blogger sue said...

Simah Boleh..!!!

apa pulak berkarat..yg karat boleh digilap :-)

congrats ye simah

October 8, 2008 at 6:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

simah,congratulations,,InsyaAllah u hv such wonderfulexperience teaching ,i know u can do it..n u can make a DU IT,,,hehehe just joking,,akak exeter

October 8, 2008 at 10:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi kak simah, fana here.

I finally have my internet connected at home.. yipeeee...

anyway, about your problem - try practising first infront of your husband or the mirror even. it will really help. another tip that I always do is that instead of looking directly at the students' eyes, direct your vision to something else, for example, the students' books on the table, etc. you can slowly move your gaze to the students once you have a little more confidence.

I had the same problems too at first. Its to the point that my hands would start shaking but unfortunately due to my profession, I have to overcome that fear. and I am confident that you can too.

Insyallah you will be great. Let us know how it turn out.

October 9, 2008 at 3:17 PM  
Blogger nurazzah8 said...

Simah, this is GREAT! Good for you ... InsyaAllah you can do it... maybe you will feel nervous at the beginning of your lecture, try not to hold something (papers or pen) in front of your audiences at first...coz they will see that your hands are shaking! LOL....(ini drp my experiences la kan...) ... but please show your confidence from the beginning... coz they will judge you from first impression.....
alaaa.... you sure can do it, InsyaAllah... just like when you first wrote your articles in the newspaper right? ... Halil sure know of his wife's capability!!!

Go Simah Go!

Good Luck...

p/s: Salam peluk cium buat anakanda berdua... alamak...dah panjang ke 'list' ur lil princess? I ada 5 orang teruna tau! hehehe...

October 11, 2008 at 4:58 AM  
Blogger dith said...

Sima,

Insyallah it's for the best. Go for it. And like your hubby, you have my fullest confidence! :p

October 13, 2008 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger dith said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

October 13, 2008 at 10:54 AM  
Blogger Lollies said...

A good leap indeed!

You are jittery now because you are not there yet. give one or two lectures, I think you'll love the adrenalin.

Salut!

October 14, 2008 at 8:43 AM  
Blogger anggerik merah said...

Simah,

go...go...go... I am sure you can do it..

October 17, 2008 at 9:49 PM  
Blogger Count Byron said...

Wow!!! What a great way to meet people and share your thoughts with a life audience! Yes Simah. I'd love to be your student. I mean it. It is not the subject that matters, it is the one delivering it. Your mannerism, your kind disposal, your cute smile, your eyes giving encouragement for them to learn, your malu2 which show-cases your ethnicity, your enthusiasm.. your eagerness to share and upgrade their language skills...
YESSSSSSS!!!! go for it girl!
go go go

October 18, 2008 at 5:31 AM  

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