The Quill of My Heart

Her beautiful dream...

2011-12-28T21:47:00.003+02:00

There we were......at the airport...her malaysian grandma (Tok wan annaanne)..her malaysian grandpa (atuk dede)... her late turkish grandma (babaanne).... her late turkish grandpa (dede)...my beloved, my son, myself n of course...she...the dreamer aka..my beloved daughter....

We were all at the airport... her atuk dede talking in english with her dede... her tokwan annaanne complimenting her babaanne's beautiful coat where her babaanne later gave the coat to her annaanne....

We were all at the airport..waiting to go to umrah together....but there was no tickets!! And out of the blue...my beloved's friend invited us all to go to Mecca with his private jet!!! The jet stopped on top of the Kaabah and as we all were falling down...a white bird were tugging at her babaanne's skirt!....her dede and atuk dede fell near the hajratul aswad while her annaanee and babaaanee fell at the beginning of the tawaf.. (Golden..something something)...and our family fell somewhere outside the kaabah area...

As we were walking towards the kaabah... baddin happily running towards us and said... *abla (sister)... i found these three stones in 3 minutes and 25 seconds!*... yup.. that sounded like baddin... he loves stones and he always count the minutes!! hahaha.... and as we reached the entry towards kaabah.... she heard someone said..*hatice...wake up!! school time!!*

ouch!!...

When the soul is untouched...the dreams can be very beautiful indeed... i couldnt help but have tears falling from my eyes....to hear of her grandpas n grandmas reunited......for all of us to go to the land we all miss so much...for in real life... i still dunno when i can send my own parents there for real....does this mean that the green pass is on for my parents one day soon? I remember when my beloved and i were in uncertainty of whether we could visit the holy land a few years back.... and Allah had sent the sign thru my daughter..though only on the last day before we leave the holy land i was told of her dream.....

I dream a dream...and her dream is indeed as beautiful as it can be...may it be true...aminnnnnnn

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The road leading home....

2011-08-08T01:33:00.002+03:00

The road leading home was led....

When i was in Malaysia, the radio kept playing the song by p.diddy and dunno what her name is... singing*i'm coming home..tell the world i'm coming home*....It felt so appropriate at that moment....And i sang to the tune much to the dismay of my lil bro hehehehe...

It was a road unplanned. With plans turned chaotic, Malaysia was not even in the agenda...But *Be* it was written and be it was... and so on that 6th of last month, as a family, we headed to Bangkok...where we stayed at Anantara hotel bangkok and had a rushed day there....8th was the day when homeland was within gasp..and my feet touched the ground i so longed to see...the faces i had dreamt of seeing...

It was funny how easy it was to switch to the northern dialect once i was there... 3 years of lack of practice did nothing to delay the adaptation of the tongue to the natural surrounding.....

What was there to tell? 10 total days of rush....of extreme heat....of those sleepless nights as we waited for love ones living in KL to reach my parents' place.... of the odd morning hours where i accompanied my lil bro to pick my younger siblings... who came all the way from the southern states to see us....of a one bedroom house cramped with so many people....of the stolen moments where we went to langkawi and had a wonderous stay swimming in the sea at the gorgeous Danna hotel? Of the times when my beloved was kidnapped by my elder bro for an hour or two... and where they always came back with things my bro think/know i like? Yet, except for a niece and a sister in law, in that short days, we still could manage to see and spend time with almost all of the family members... something i am truly grateful of... for time too short was still enough to save in enough memories and pics of those moments till the day the road leading home is on again....

I remember that 16th when my mom shed her tears of goodbye... i do hope this is not the end of too long... for the heart... when i allow it to feel.... do bleed from longing....I do miss them so...very much....

Salam Ramadhan everyone!!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The inner web...

2011-06-06T07:31:00.003+03:00

People say *beggars cant be choosers*...oh..i know that feeling very well... every year at a very certain time of the year that feeling comes in..overwhelming the heart...tarnishing the honor...chip by chip...but thinking of the future....one simply has to swallow one's pride and keep on taking the silent beating....

This time....it was a promise.. made by a supposedly respective big company... unfulfilled for at least 2 years....and the moment they made the effort to sort of fulfilling that promise...this???...where is the integrity? where is the honor? where is the respect.... even though i silently agree with my beloved... i cant help but to hope...only those in my shoes would have been able to understand the need... this desire....it is not in my hands...

there was hope..then it was squashed away... i stopped hoping... then it was that.. and then the hope reappereared..and so close i am indeed to realizing that dream..only to be squashed down flat again...? hmm..

I think life is really interesting at this time...i am at a roller coaster of emotions where happiness can turn into missing..missing can turn into sadness and sadness can turn into confusion and then again happiness and the circle continues on....that if i look at things as the whole perspective, it will be interesting to see of where it will all end up...

I am at a stage of my life where i can finally understand the true depth of *tawakkal*...I am also at a stage where once my emotions are calmed down for a bit.. i truly believe *everything happens for a reason*.. I am not the type to give up..i fight for whatever i believe in... that if in that fight i lose..i can truly say that *the fault was not mine*... but that doesnt change the fact that i am human... i still need to shed a few of my pearly drops when it hurts... i still need a hug when i feel life isnt fair... i still hope even though the path ahead seems impossible....

For now... in reality.. as i am typing this... i have this one feline daughter who gives me that look saying i wanna go out and walk on the green grass... she gave enough hints already.. she even waited in front of the lift and then tried to open the door (as if she could heheheh)... but i gotta feed her human dad breakfast first.... my dream may not be realised... that is indeed not an excuse not to let others ..in this case my feline pakize to have her fill of happiness for the day,eh?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

A diary of an ALMOST teenage girl mom...

2011-05-28T07:24:00.007+03:00

SHOPPING!! and connect that word to the gender FEMALE.

It was fun to be the dominant female to do all the shopping.. the clothing... shoes...pants..jeans.. from top to bottom...hell, i was the BOSS!!

That is until time passes by... and here i have got a ten year old who is 2 cm longer than i am and who has this passion for clothing and shopping! There is no chance for her to not buy at least something whenever we enter a shopping complex...even a small one... even i myself cant stop buying something for her everytime i enter a shopping place when i was alone....she is slim.. she is young..she is fresh... it is totally cool to buy her stuffs...

Oh yeah... where were i? yup..shopping.... i told her this month... more window shopping and less buying...

.. 2 days ago, i needed to buy something from kozzy... she was with me.. but my beloved warned her that she was banned from buying anything at all...it was funny how she was twitching inside coz she liked this and she liked that...ı cant really remember how many hints she gave me .....and finally giving up, in the end she requested an orange juice ..which does not fall into the category of shopping of clothing but still...she had to purchase something! hahahahahahahah

I see not much future for her not to like shopping... i can imagine the horrifying range of cash flow on clothing as she is growing up.. but hey! she is my best girl...and as long as her demands are within reason...why not eh?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Blogging again...

2011-05-25T16:32:00.005+03:00

Ah... despaired i was when blogspot was banned a few months back..for no matter how lazy i was.. it was always wonderful to look back at my most incoherent..never correct grammatically sentences.... Alhamdulillah..now it is back..just at the moment..i need a release of what is in my heart...

Nigeria... yup...the idea scared the hell out of people.. mostly disagreed...trying to discourage for change is scary...change from comfort to harshness may not be logical... discouragements came out of love... out of the inner need to protect... just like when baba was once totally against my beloved wanting to work at a private uni..but he did it anyway coz change was necessary.. change was needed for life to be diversed and for individuals to grow...in that case..for my beloved to grow and be independent...

I still havent dared to call my mom again even after my lil bro reassured me that she is now calmed down...i will soon i guess... after i can breathe a bit...

change is scary indeed... for my beloved..for my kids who have never really been away from their siblings...their cousins.. their love ones...to live as separate entities...in a world of the unknown...

nigeria is only 85 percent confirmed... but it is going towards 100%... he needs to do this... i need to do this.. and i believe the kids need to do this too...i worry of pakize and mimi.. of my two feline kids whom i will have to leave behind... and at the same time disturbing the zaim family, mostly mıstık, with the responsibilities of looking after them everyday... believe me.. if i can..i wouldnt want to burden anyone.....

And the money we set aside for malaysia will be gone too for nigeria, as well as the plan of sending my parents to umrah (for now)....and even though that cuts deep thru me... if Allah says BE... i think i will embrace the BE with an open heart... and my instinct tells me that as a family we need to do this. And if it signals that, then i believe in it... maybe within a year, i can start writing again..something i had abandoned many months ago...for if truth is to be told... i feel alive when i express my thoughts... so was i dead these last few months? Is that why i agreed to this nigeria????

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The journey of the adventurous souls...

2010-11-01T22:32:00.003+02:00

Aleppo of Syria..

Copper Market of Gaziantep..

He insisted we tried it. And so he found us a shop. I went along with whatever plans he had in his mind. After all, he went there once and this was our fşrst. When we entered the shop, i saw an *usta*… an expert doing something with a dough… his movement and the way the dough was dealt with was the exact replica of the way the Malaysian usta preparing the indian dish *roti canai*…an almost identical in structure with katmer of kayseri…salty..to be eaten with curry or dhall gravy… but this dish… was sweet…filled with loads of grounded pistachio also called katmer..but is eaten for breakfast for those in the city of GAZİANTEP!... Delicious??? İndeed!!

A normal person would question the logic our plan. 2 days and one night in 2 cities …

We left our home in İstanbul at 4am for a flight at 6am…The strong wind and the gush of strong wind literally made us trembled badly as we entered the airport… sleepiness engulfed us..baddin was grumpy…temper ran high… but friday…2 days ago.. that was when our adventure began… an adventurous journey of two cities… Gaziantep in Turkey and Aleppo (Halep) in Syria…

We checked in our bags in Ravanda Hotel in Antep the moment we touched down…..we then found a car with a chauffeur to drive us to the city of Aleppo (Halep)…Baddin, Hatice and my beloved was snoring all the way to almost the border…i couldnt sleep a wink fearing that the driver would drive us somewhere else (Allah forbids)… We were lucky though..our driver was a very polite and helpful person…we had a few problems at the immigration since my passport is of the Malaysian passport while the rest are of the turkish passports… i needed the visa etc..etc… anyway… to cut the story short… as the driver skillfully drove in between trucks to get us out of the border into Syria, i was strongly reminded how wonderfully systematic the system is between Malaysia and Singapore borders..Turkey and Syria…? Pure headache….!! But it was interesting really for this was my first time for my beloved to cross a country’s border on land…

Comparing the Aleppo city to the outskirt living of Syria… i saw a big contrast in the way of living…dirt was everywhere… houses small and incomplete… Contrastive to the city where it was obvious the gap between the poor and the rich is very big indeed… The people there…physically, they are not much difference from the turks…that is until they open their mouth that is… the food, despite the names, they are basically almost the same… what captured my attention is the fact that everything is preserved in the sense that the government only allow buildings to be made of stones….that in itself created a special atmosphere to be living in the city itself….one note though.. NEVER EVER go there on friday coz Fridays are off days and almost all shops are closed! Hahahah.But we did discover the back alleys… the ghost shopping area (all shops r closed)…the zakaria mosque..etc…it felt wonderful to be there…so serene when u drink something and look at the old castle…. İ really wished we had another dayto discover more of the places…

Gaziantep? Ah… that is the food heaven indeed! All the food we tasted was totally delicious… we spent a day in antep and our tummy was… we were eating non stop!!! The Çağdas restaurant which is famous in antep were full all the time..the hot baklava? İt is truly the reason to be there coz antep baklava is none to be found in İstanbul.. food is heaven there…if u go to the right place…and did i mention how delicious antep’s baklava is??? shopping? Yup… we did visit a few places.. the old castle.. a few museums..the copper market… a few mosques …the kids wanted to visit the zoo..but time was not on our side….

We had basically utilised our time fully in these two cities…enjoying ourselves with the food and the view… It would have been perfect if we could spend 2 days in Aleppo and 2 days in Antep for a full view of the city.. but with the limited time we had… and all the back alleys we had walked in and discover the locals along the way… i think the journey was an awesome experience…hopefully to be repeated in the near future…

I am glad we did what we did… I am glad my beloved had fulfilled his promise to bring us to Gaziantep… We enjoyed ourselves tremendously..and i hope slowly, we can visit all the cities in turkey one day…so that my kids can say…”yes..i know that place. I have been there!” ..to antep..i would go back again for it’s baklava and katmer for sure!!

Photos coming up in my facebook… :0)

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

For i will always dream of you...

2010-08-22T02:52:00.003+03:00

I do. I do dream of you. Of whether i would be able to see you again... of whether, the next time i touch the land, you will be able to look at me ...and give me the biggest smile you could muster coz your heart is happy...I do dream.... of you...

Fear, whether i like it or not will always be a part of me. For fear repeats the doubt of whether my dream will be realized..of fear that the next time i touch the land... u will not be there to welcome me... for time i fear may be my biggest enemy...

For i dream of you... for i dream of the time i will be able to see you...but fear...plays a thousand terrible images in my mind..for dreams and fear....mixed together create a hole of uncertainty thru time...

Yes... I do dream of you...Do u dream of me too?????

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Sapanca over the years....

2010-08-02T23:21:00.021+03:00

Sapanca....

We go there every year... I remember my first year there... Anne (mom in law) and baba (dad in law) was still alive... i was this young bride trying to fit into the family... my beloved and i were basically there all the time during summer... who wouldnt love it there, eh? The spacious house...wonderful sapanca lake view from the garden...no need to cook coz anne was the Queen of the kitchen...that was her territory....and as the newly learning bride, my job was to adjust myself to my surrounding and enjoyed the pool!
And then the kids were born....How useful sapanca was coz having not need to do anything coz there was anne and mıstık (the family male helper)... i was busy trying to be a new mom...and the best part was...anne helped to put hatice to sleep....but that summer after baddin was born... Anne suddenly was called by Allah.....Sapanca without Anne was.....we felt empty...

That left only baba...i remember that last year of baba's life... my kids and i spent almost most of our summer in sapanca with my beloved coming and going from and to istanbul coz he had to go to work... i used to grumble somehow coz i hate having to spend time away from my beloved... but now i am glad we did coz that was the longest time my kids would be able to spend time with their dede (grandpa)....That was when i saw baba trying to play football of some sort with baddin... of baba answering hatice's innocent and silly questions...
Now, there is this emptiness coz the two persons are gone... which left only the children to go there..to jump into the pool...to enjoy the spacious house...away from the tiny space of our apartment home in istanbul...to breathe a fresh air from the hilltop garden of the house....
After almost 11 years...i cant say that sapanca is boring... the pool will always be the biggest attraction..i simply love swimming.. the kids too..in fact all the zaim kids love the pool... and each year....new happening..new unexpected adventures come in our way...
For example....one year... i cried at the summer house coz i simply lost my wedding ring...i left everyone panicked...looking around for that one ring...until özlem..my sister in law found my ring in the rice pressure cooker... yup..that nite..the family had eaten white gold wedding band indeed! This year...last wednesday..i cried again coz i lost my wedding ring again... and guess where it turned out?? in the pool of the sapanca pool!!! It must have fallen into the pool without me noticing it the weekend before....and i am forever thankful to dearest baddin for finding the ring....We still continue the big tour coz we love it..and coz deep down...i think we would like to honour baba..my beloved's dad who used to go to almost the same route...even as he aged...

This year though...we had a suprise as well.. as we were passing our normal route... almost reaching the house...we saw this land cultivated with young pine trees...they will be for sale i guess... we saw a few ducks.. the caretaker of the place told us that we could come in and look at the ducks up close...only then.. three *kangal* younglings...dogs i mean came rushing towards the gate...hatice looked at me pleadingly coz she knows what i feel about touching dogs..the hassle of the concept of *samak* ..as i am a syafiee.. touching dogs would mean the cleaning would involve the sand and water.. whereas in hanafi, washing with soap is enough... my kids r hanafi..i was in dilemma... finally i gave the go ahead..and the kangals we basically pleading the kids to pat them...one even bite at hatice's pants pleading her to play with them... of course, once we reached the house,i immediately told the kids to stay outside the house and i cleaned their bodies and clothings the syafiee way...out of respect for me...my beloved also cleaned himself my way...and i to show my respect for him.. cleaned everything again using soap...

and the beloved pool... ah.... who would have thought after almost 11 years here..i would get to experience swimming in the green pool?? argh!!! I pray whatever bad effects that greenish water had on all of our skins... the healing power of the oylat thermal would have worked itz magic wonders.....
And the old basket seller uncle i always buy from each year... yup..he is still there.. he still remembers me... i always get a special discout from him...i guess i will always go to him until the day he dies....he is such a sweet man indeed!

We always feed the wild cats when we go to sapanca..the BBQ smell attracts them anyway... last year..*.kar beyaz* the cat stayed over with her gorgeous kids....we fed them...we even bought some ready made feed from the pet shop and left them there for the cats to eat... this year..all kar beyaz's kids r all grown up..and perhaps with kids of their own....a lil kitten this year which baddin named *şirin gri*honoured us with her presence... her mom is nowhere to be found..and she is such a playfull and brave kitten...we contemplated of bringing her to istanbul...but how to bring her when u cant catch her?...
Sapanca has and shall always be about happenings...of the yester years...today...and tomorrow...

Baba..thank you for buying this place...Anne..thank you for making baba pay the men to make the pool.....This is the perfect getaway indeed...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

A 1001 Change

2010-07-25T00:10:00.004+03:00

Change may be just what one may need..

For change may help the mind refresh for a different point of view....

Change may need to be forced....
For change unforced may not ever happen...

Here i see a body...
Writhed in pain from strenous walk...

But here i also see or hope to see...
That the change forced for a day or two...
Will bring in a fresher mind...
And a mind a bit released from all troubles...

Hope...
Prayers...
are all we can do...
For we seek...
A face so radiant in smiles..
From the inside, not just outside...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

THE HOLY LAND :The first of hopefully many more…

2010-07-21T16:15:00.025+03:00

When the topic came out, we had doubts of whether we could afford the trip. I personally felt that i was not worthy enough to be a guest of Allah. I mean, look at me! There are things in my life i was not proud of. Even the simplest of 5 times daily prayers, I was not performing fully. But if Allah say “BE”… then, that is what it shall be. Little did we know that when we were debating of our affordability, Hatice had dreamt that she was circling kaabah and she was crying. We didnt know it then, but our path to the holy land had been written and the invitation was handed out. And so we went….with HIS BLESSINGS…

I had read and heard of him. Of the history of the last Prohet Muhammad (S.A.W); of his struggle to bring out the glory of Islam,;of his book which is the BOOK of guidance to all mankind for all time. Meeting Rasulullah personally is not a question. Never in my dream would i ever dream that I would be seeing the place where the prophet was buried or the Al Masjid Al Nabawi, known as the Prophet’s mosque which is so famous in history. Yes, our journey to Kaabah started with our stay at Mövenpick hotel in Madinah where it is just a few steps away from Masjid Nabawi.

We reached Medina. The weather was undoubtly hot, 50 degree celcius i think.. But i was happy inside coz it was not humid. Humidity suffocates people. The group met just outside the gate of the mosque after we had unloaded our luggages to our own respective rooms. My heart was beating erratically.

Dup dap dup dap…I had always felt myself unworthy to be where holy persons or places are. And this is no ordinary place. I see some ladies started crying. I could see how deep their love is for our last Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W)…I was thinking, *am i such a bad person that i cant cry like that?*….Like an army, as a group, we loudly said our *Assalamualaikum ya Rasulullah* and in a group, we all started reading the salawat for the Dear Prophet loudly with our right feet moving towards the entrance of the mosque’s gate. It was at that moment, as if the Prophet was answering our salam; a gush of wind caressed our bodies in such a way that made us felt welcomed. This is what i love best when moving with a group of Turks…we moved in unity…we read our salawat loudly in a musical tune as best as we could…The guide brought us in front of the green dome outside the mosque where the tomb of Rasulullah is located. Here, the guide said his salam to the prophets and some duas while we all huddled in a group following him verbally with tears falling from our eyes. It was no longer a contest of who could cry or who loves Rasulullah best…It was just simply plain raw emotions of love, even for a salam from outside the mosque.

I guess the guys are so much more lucky. They have the access to the heart of the mosque to a very special area named *Ar- Rawdah An Nabawiyyah* which extends from Rasulullah’s tomb to his pulpit almost at any time of the day. This is where the salam to Rasullullah is normally being said because it will as if you are talking to Rasulullah. And to be able to pray 2 rakaats at the *Garden of Jannah (heaven)* area is indeed a chance one should not miss coz all prayers there are never rejected. The guys can have access to the area all day except a certain time at night. We girls are not so lucky though. It is only after 10pm that the area is open to the ladies. And since the Ar Rawdah area can only accompany a few hundred people at one time, a system is made where the women are put into groups of turks, arabs,iranians,Indonesian/Malaysian and etc…That first night, i joined the group of turks to give our salam to Rasulullah. It took up till 12.30 midnight, hours of waiting just to reach the Garden of Jannah. Unsatisfied i was indeed. So the next evening, i went again,alone, this time joining the group of Indonesians….Alhamdulillah, i said my salam and i had also conveyed all the salams of friends and family to Rasulullah…From then onwards, i just simply said my salam to Rasulullah from whereever i was in the mosque area coz i believe that He could hear me whereever i was. I didnt need to wait from 10 till 12.30 midnight just to say my salam…Besides, my beloved and Baddin go there every day. I simply asked them to include my salam as well…

Masjid Al Nabawi from outside..

At the other side of the hole lies Rasulullah...

The famous green Dome where rests the body of our last Prophet..

Baddin inside Masjid Nabawi...

The green dome at nite...

A boy busy reading the Quran...

While we were there, our family got separated naturally. Baddin was following my beloved while Hatice was my shadow. We all prayed our prayers there. And i do admire the kids’ endurance coz my beloved and i basically stayed for sooooooo many hours doing ibadah and reading Quran inside the mosque and yet, the kids without much mumbling and grumbling stayed with us, armed with some toys naturally. Of course the fact that the inside of the mosque is equipped with air condition helped a lot as well.

People say, be careful with what you say and think when you are in the holy land. I do agree totally. Having prayed at the inside part of the mosque all the time for so many days, there was one time i thought to myself.. i thought…*hmm… i wonder how it would feel like to pray outside the mosque in the open?*….Wallah… and the thought was immediately answered! We were a bit late that evening for our isyak (Yatsı) prayer and we had to pray outside in the open. There was another time, i was thinking…* hmm..i wish i dont need to follow the visit the group would be making to this one place. I’d rather spend more time at the mosque and read Quran*… Yup.. permission granted and somehow…somewhere we couldnt manage to join the tour group for the trip. Just imagine..those were only thoughts and wishes…what if they were words?? Yup… be careful with what u wish for…even in thoughts…..I never regretted those thoughts and i was glad too that i had spent as much time i could in the mosque reading and praying…In fact, i think i had not read sooooooooooooooo many pages of Quran for soooo many years now. I think my reading fluency has improved a lot since then..

I was also proud to see so many people from the two regions i love both in Medina and Mecca. Whereever i turn, i could hear words in Turkish and Indonesian/Malay languages. Even the writings on the sign boards at the garden of jannah were written, among the languages,turkish and Indonesian. Where ever i go, the women guards of the mosque would speak to me in Indonesia. It goes to show of the vast quantity of people from these two regions who visit this place. I was particularly delighted in Medina when i could do my shopping mixing in my Malay, English and Turkish in the conversation with the sellers. Almost everyone can understand the language! Cool!!

Saying farewell to Masjid Nabawi...on our journey to Mecca...

Our journey to Mecca for our umrah started with a stop at a Miqat where we prayed our umrah sunat prayer and say our niat. We did it in a group following our guide. You know how once you are in ihram you are not allowed to kill or harm any animals or plants, right? Guess what i did (not deliberately of course!)… i accidently stepped on the grass!! Everybody was shrieking..*çimenlar basma!!* (Dont step on the grass!!)..i forgot and i did! Hehehe… yup.. the moment we reached Mecca, i paid my fine and gave the money to one of the cleaners in green uniform of Kaabah …

Ah..Kaabah….That is one thing i never thought i would be able to see live, up close and personal. I told you..i did not feel myself worthy of it. The moment we entered the Masjidil Haram entrance, we were told not to look directly in front. We were told to pay our respect to the Kaabah and look down and follow the toes of the person in front of us. Dup Dap…my heartbeart was erratic…I knew that Kaabah was just within reach. When we were told to look up and to stand in line to pray the sunat prayer, I couldnt hold myself any longer. Tears started falling from my eyes. We were told to look at Kaabah (not the sejadah ) while praying coz the real thing was in front of us. We prayed that 2 rakaats and i was practically sobbing in my prayers. What i felt was beyond description. This is Kaabah we are talking about…. you just have to be there .. you will know. Kaabah was…just right there…majestically standing there…so HOLY… We completed our first umrah in a group of 240 turks at almost 2.30am. We did 3 umrahs in total with many many sunnat tawafs till the end of our stay

….My beloved dedicated one umrah for his late mom and another for his late dad.Hatice dedicated one umrah to Meşe hala and another one for Along teyze… and i did for my mom and dad… my beloved told me you can dedicate an umrah for the living but my aunty later told me it is only for the dead… Well… i dunno.. Whatever it is…Allahu alam… It doesn’t really matter ..If Allah accepts..then that is the way it is… If not… It is not part of fate…

As a family, we did loads of sunnat tawaf, dedicating to many close members for each tawaf...The point was….as a family, we moved together to do our ibadahs…we read Quran, we prayed…. With our attentions and intentions 100 percent towards Allah… We had done our tawafs at all hours… under the burning sun…at night…the kids’ endurance under that 50 degree celcius heart was incredible…All they asked was for us to stop at Zam zam tower shopping complex for lunch and they could order coke with loadssssssss of ice from Burger King!

At night, my beloved and I took turn… his turn at 11pm till 2.30am and mine from that time till the morning prayer. That was the time when we were alone..our attention purely…solely towards Allah, not really having to worry about our children’s safety…Tears for each of us was a thing so common for tears represented what the heart was speaking…To be able to touch Kaabah…to smell that rose smell of Kaabah…to be able to pray the sunnat prayer somewhere near Makam İbrahim …to just being able to be there….That is the biggest blessing ever Allah could have bestowed upon us…We were blessed indeed..My beloved told me that no bird will fly over Kaabah and no bird dropping can be seen there… That madem e think….One morning as i was sitting facing the Kaabah..right across the Hajratul Aswad, reading the Quran, in complete calm while waiting for the morning prayer, i thought i saw a big white bird crossing over Kaabah…Was it really a bird? If what my beloved told me is true, that wouldnt be a bird.What was it?..i guess what i saw was either an angel or a jin.. was that a sign that my past sins are forgiven or that Allah is accepting all my prayers? That, I leave to Allah…I know i did my best while i was in the holy land ..and i never regretted every single moment i spent there devoting myself to Allah…

All i know is this… I am grateful to my beloved for allowing us this chance to go there as a family. I see a lot of spiritual development within Hatice and baddin after umrah.. The trip had done them really good…Now, as a family, we make it a point to not miss our prayers… I personally feel some sort of closure of that certain uncertainty that i had felt all those years..Allah had never let me down despite myself deficiency. I know now that my path is forward and hopefully, i will be a better person after this…alongside my beloved…., as a child, a sibling, a family, a friend, and parents. I am truly addicted to the beauty of our stay there. InsyaAllah, if Allah lets us, we would like to go there again…I am totally addicted. But my beloved told me that…he had done his umrah so many times… now I have done my umrah too… so the next time we go there…we should aim for Hajj… Now, we will start replenishing our bank account for a Malaysia trip..and after that..our aim is obvious…May Allah extend his invitation to us again…..insyaAllah….

at almost 2.30am..after the first umrah...

father and son during saie

The turkish group during saie.. my beloved with the red napsack...

the end of the 3rd umrah...

cute cute keloğlan :0)

Hatice drinking the Zam zam... our staple drink ...

Baddin...
A rocker..Minik Haji :0)

Hatice at the Safa..

My beloved... the Kaabah...

A memory we shall imprint in our minds for the rest of our lives....

More photos in my FB...

more photos in my fb...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Auld Lang Syne

2010-04-17T00:08:00.005+03:00

They say auld lang syne is hard.
So why do i feel so relieved to see the back of u??

What kind of a person does that make me? After all the years we had spent together? 10 years and a half is not a short period at all. Just think of how many things we had seen together... of what we had shared... how cool ur to me..how u soothed me when the heat got to me. Remember when hatice and baddin were born? U had always been there for them...for all of us in fact...so relieved is definitely not the word that should describe ur departure huh?

The truth is...u had been sick for a very long time... more than 2 years in fact. U had to be seen by a doctor more often than i can remember... remember that year when i was preparing for the zaim family iftar and u got sick? Do u remember how panicked i was? Do u remember how i ran to mahture yenge for some aid..coz u were not there...u had to take ur rest? And ur sickness got more frequent than not...nowadays, once in a month even....

What kind of a person am i to torture u like this? To make u burn out...sick to the core?? Do u blame me for sending u away? U see, i have no choice... u were my first and one of the best companions ever! But this is for the best... u need to rest... I dunno where u r now... I can only guess... but whatever u do now..where ever u r... despite feeling relieved... i do feel sad for u... for u have been with us for sooo long...i even forgot to snap a photo of u!

Never mind! ur sight will always be impanted firmly in my mind....of the things u had done. U had served me well.... for that I THANK U... Rest in peace my dear old fridge.... for u were one of the kind...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Of recent days...

2010-04-14T18:14:00.005+03:00

Life is what it is...it is about moving forward...not looking back.. at times, u feel that it is the end of the world...u feel swallowed and smothered by things beyond ur expectation.. other times, the world is urs...

after a terrible fight with baddin, physical n all after that 2 weeks break from Quran... today he just sat there.. no whining.. tried to read his one page without making me feel like wanting to hit him with a pillow..instead of arguing with me when i corrected his pronounciation.. he just apologized and corrected the wrongs... soooo very unlikely of him...he managed to finish a page within 20 mins.. Yes.. Alhamdulillah.. a proud mom i am...and he is moving forward to be a more fluent reader... Yes, we try not to look back...of the hard times...

And hatice... she wants to learn how to play a violin soooo much..... she doesnt have one...and yet, that doesnt stop her from trying to learn how to play one by asking her friend merve to teach her the simple techniques..using merve's violin.....she knows we cant afford to pay for a private lesson...still, give up she never did... which is why i have a very strong feeling that when my fun time teaching money comes in this month... a girl surely deserve a violin of her own.....
And as she dreams of a violin... i hope that dream will become a reality soon...

My beloved is working hard so that we can go for umrah this summer... he went there already when he was young... so it is only logical if he go to hajj ....but the unselfishness of a father and a husband in putting his family first and insisting that we all go there together first... cools the heart so much filled with love for him......and so..we move forward, praying for Allah to let us touch the holy land...

I may have misused the money i saved for months to buy us a fridge..but i that al hope is not lost... besides, with the leftover money of 100 lira i didnt mistakenly use..i bught a nice fruit juicer... thus my kids r drinkng their fruit juices everyday... So all is not lost after all....

And so we try to move forward... trying to learn from the negatives...so that the positives will stay on longer....

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

I am glad I had you...

2010-01-23T10:10:00.038+02:00

The one night getaway turned into two…My beloved had scheduled a meeting that evening at Bursa…so we thought… well…why not, eh? Bursa means Uludağ…which usually equals to snow…and the kids have missed the snow coz İstanbul unfortunately do not produce enough snow for their liking…so we decided to tag along…

Anyway, we left our home that Tuesday morning with the weather forecast predicting a very bad weather that day. True enough… the ferry that crossed us to Yalova was moving side tos ide almost violently… our mounty roads to bursa was greeted with strong wind and raindrops of snow which made us prayed for our own lives…Still, we drove on to the place where we would be staying for the night…

The kids demanded Uludağ mountain first instead of lunch even though it was almost their lunch time..they were eager to meet Mr. Snow….We succumbed to their requests and fed them milk and sandwiches that i made for the journey. ..

The journey up the mountain was quite scary as snowy some parts were sort of icy…but the view of trees covered in snowflakes was magnificently breathtaking…Yup.. Uludağ do have snow!! Yippie!!

We went to the place we went last year where there were the slide vehicle for us to rent and slide down the slope… the kids had enjoyed it last year…u can imagined our disappointment when we discovered that place was empty!! I guess the season has not started yet…but we did played snow fight and just walked around the place which was thigh deep in snow and simply had fun!!

We decided to rent the slide later and decided to slide somewhere else…Yup… we went to slide where someone pointed us to.. there were also a group of high school girls there sliding… we joined them…I thought that place was quite dangerous but the kids wanted to slide…and so..they did…..until…..

Two girls on a slide suddenly went off way and slided towards a higher harder slope and simply fly up in the air, their slide turned upside down and of about one metre high fell on their faces… right in front of where Hatice and ı were standing…..! My beloved and i were shocked…. I looked at him for signs on what to do.. after a few stumping moments… we both ran to the girls…. One were unconcious..the other were crying from the pain on her neck….It was a good thing the accident was right next to Acibadem polyclinic..the medical help was right next door…

Naturally that took away the joy of everything… as parents we couldnt help but to think..what if that were our kids? All the ifs….which scared the hell out of us…

But we still let the kids slide on a less dangerous way… with us watching them like a hawk more than ever…. The kids still had fun..which was really important for us…..We went down the mountain to catch up with the meeting my beloved had to attend.. and yup.. we had a late lunch…if u can call that lunch…at almost 5pm that day!! Hahah and yes… baddin was simply eating the snow whenever he thought i was not looking when we were in Uludağ!! hahaha

The next morning was simply trying to find our ways to Oylat.. the place where we were to stay for the night…. it was outside of Bursa..passing Inegöl (where the köfte is very famous)… and again..we were up and down the road of a mountain to reach Oylat…a place famous for its Thermal water/bath…

We were awed…the trees were covered in snowflakes which made the view unbelievably gorgeous.. i felt as if i was in wonderland…Yenges (my beloved aunties) g oto this place every year.. they have talked of this place for years…. Now i believe them :0)…

But before the hotel…it was the cave visiting… the cave is soooooooooooo big and deep that af first the kids were scared….but they finally got over their fears and were able to appreciate the beauty of formations inside the cave.. .. it was really awesome indeed!! I mean..i had been inside caves in Malaysia… but this is simply.. worth going to!!

Anyway, we went to our hotel room where we discovered our suit hotel room has 3 single beds and one double bed of two connecting rooms which was spacious for 5 people… we had a bit of jungle trekking only to stop before we reached the waterfalls due to the snowy icy roads… and the thermal pool? Hmmm… now i see why people like it so much….the health properties in the water and the after effects of the hot pool was indeed refreshing!! I liked it so much that i was even willing to wake up early and go to the thermal bath at 6.30 in the morning! Hahahah..Oylat…. It was simply the hot bath…the stunning view all over with only the screams of my beloved and kids having snow fights and the sound of gushes of water from the river to entertain a soul….Baddin even cried that morning coz he didnt wanna get ready for breakfast coz he knew that we would go back to İstanbul after that…we had to promise him that we would come back again one day for 2 days (at least) the next time…

Yes, 3 days and 2 nights at 2 different places… that was our winter holiday this year…I am glad i had you coz i had the most amazing time of my life….and i know Halil, Hatice and Baddin will agree with me too…!

A view from the balcony..

During the jungle trekking...

My beloved shaking the tree ...hence the snow storm on the heads heheeh

the reason for our stay...

Our hotel room from the bridge...

the room

snow...snow!!

coldddddd....

all ready for the thermal pool...

they are still snow fighting even at night!

a view worth going for...a view from the room balcony...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The Forbidden Love

2009-11-24T15:52:00.002+02:00

I, of all the people should know the feeling very clearly. This forbidden love. This love where everyone is against it. They will try to do everything to stop it. And yet, I am one of those people who tries to stop it. So what does that make me? Without sympathy? Without empathy?Heartless? cruel?

How they communicated with each other everyday. How excited she is when morning comes. How excited she is to meet her beloved. How physical they can get when they are face to face. How he begs me not to take her away. How he follows her till the front door, begging me not to separate them like this. How whenever he sees me, he comes runing to me. He begs.He tries to reason for their love to continue on. In her eyes i see the sadness of having to leave him. In his eyes, i too notice the wretchedness of a farewell for his beloved. How i feel like i am the evil witch. Maybe i am...

It doesnt matter that he is only a street cat. Or that she who used to be a stray one no longer live on the street. If i am sure that she can survive the outside world, I would have let her go. But I know desire is not enough to ensure her survival. She will not be able to live thru the winter. And after a year of thinking.... slowly, being a bad witch that i am... i suppose soon.... she will need to visit the vet to get all her desires stopped....I really hope she will forgive me...one day...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Baddin's Sünnet Düğüne (The story as it is)

2009-10-19T16:46:00.021+03:00

It was a big night for him. He was nervous naturally. But everything was going against him…

That friday night when i saw the weather forecast which said that Saturday would rain heavily, i wholeheartedly prayed for it to not rain until at least everybody had come and started eating. Illnesses also made their threats on a lot of people making 2 people unable to come...…Did i mention traffic jam? Many were stuck in the horrifying İstanbul traffic jam, making almost all guests late and the dinner service started when many tummies were grumbling. But *Be* Allah had said and the dinner Alhamdulillah went wonderfully well. My prayers about the rain were even answered…and so.. the Zaim family were there at the Çadır Köşkü’s (Cadır Kiosk – a kiosk from the otoman empire time) *Çadır Yeşil Sera*, in the middle of the forest to celebrate our son’s Sünnet Düğün Dinner…. On the 17th of October 2009.

My beloved wanted his son’s sünnet düğün to be different.. He didn’t want his son to wear that typical sünnet costume that sünnet kids always wear. He wanted his son to be a Padişah- an emporer… But where to find such costume? How?? I was lucky of course that my beloved’s cousin, Yeşim is an expert on fabrics. And so that one day… both of us went to the Kapalı Çarşı at the european side of İstanbul looking for the costume my beloved had in mind. With Yeşim’s help.. yup… we found the perfect costume, tailored especially for baddin… The second time we went to the shop to pick up baddin’s clothes, Hatice chose hers, again maximizing Yeşim’s expertise…

In Turkey, they do have nikah şekeri for weddings… something of the same concept of bunga telur in Malaysia only with sweets or badem şekeri…. I wanted something like that for baddin too.. and soooo… Sünnet Şekeri it was…i had it specially made… Something to remember the dinner by..

The kids’ clothes matter was settled… We didint have time to get a folk costume tailored form y beloved… and so.. he was wearing the typical thing men wear in formal functions… I also didint have the budget for a new dress… and so… wearing the dress i bought form y sister’s wedding in Malaysia 2 summers ago… i was set to go… But then..i didnt have matching shoes!! Borrowed Özlem’s (sis in law) shoes… but then.. when i went to Kadikoy to pick the sünnet şekeri up… i saw this one gorgeous shoes which would match my dress perfectly… only… it was with heels tooooooo high for me!! And so.. for the first time in my life… for my son’s sünnet düğün… i wore a high heels shoes…:0)

Photos were snapped… diner were eaten… my beloved even read the Quran and read some duas so that that night dinner would be blessed…What was important that night was everybody in the zaim family got together… Even though i was truly sad inside coz none of my Malaysian family members were able to come… it was still wonderful to be able to celebrate our son’s Sünnet Düğüne…

If you have the time… i have added several entries of photos in this blog snapped that night… Yes… My Malaysian family and friends… i present you….

Sabahaddin Zaim's Sünnet Düğüne...the Cadır Köşk's * Çadır Yeşır Sera* where we had our dinner..A private area for a private function

Sünnet Şekeri
with the toy of a boy wearing a typical sünnet costume..

The sünnet şekeri view from the back.. that's Badem (almond) Şekeri

In front of the costume shop with our main help..
Yeşim hala...

Isnt my shoes simply stunning??

Little Padişah (Emperor) Baddin

A very cute pose indeed!!

Little Sultan Hatice..

Yes... we r strong hehehehe

2 siblings simply sharing their love...

A father reading the Quran..

A Boy cutting his sünnet cake...
That was a real sword. It belonged to one of the soldiers during the ottoman empire..

In front of the Cadır köşkü (Cadır kiosk)

My angels with my beloved

My angels and i

A family...in love..

Dont forget to see the entries below!! We have got many many more pics!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

baddin's Sünnet Düğüne (At the dinner tables)

2009-10-19T15:52:00.012+03:00

Padişah baddin, Hatice sultan and their two guards...

iclal, kerim, minik mustafa, safa and merve

halim,selim,özlem,funda,my beloved

Yeşim, gürhan, Nese, Mahture yenge, müyessa yenge, ahmet

serdar, fatih,eren, yusuf, duygu

şukran,ceyda, yasemin,esra,halit,sina,mehmet

ipek,merih,lutfiye teyze, nurol abi,burak

lutfiye teyze, nurol abi

saime and her grandson

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Baddin's Sünnet Düğüne (Zaimlar)

2009-10-19T15:10:00.012+03:00

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Baddin's Sünnet Dügün (the children)

2009-10-19T14:26:00.013+03:00

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Baddin's Sünnet Düğüne (Guests with Baddin Padişah and Hatice Sultan)

2009-10-19T13:29:00.018+03:00

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Summer 2009

2009-09-11T18:11:00.030+03:00

" I didnt know that u r a feminist? "
, my beloved jokingly asked me that one day in summer.
"Just telling what i have been keeping inside for almost 10 years!"
, i replied....

If u have had a taste of the istanbul traffic...of the *interesting* ways of their driving, then u will understand fully of what i had written...that is why one of the articles that i had written in Today's Zaman (a local English newspaper) is entitled *SCARED TO DRIVE?*...even 3 ladies and one bloke supported me hehehe..i put their comments in the comment section of that article... so if u have the time ..after reading my piece on the celebration of Ramadan in istanbul..i would like u to read my mumbling on *scared to drive* in

http://mytzarticles.blogspot.com/

Yes..it is Ramadan...and i had been quiet for wayyy to long from this blogging world...schooling will start after this raya (eid).. they have changed the colours of the kids' school uniform... instead of the colour bright orange for the t-shirts and dark blue for the skirts and pants...this year...the t-shirts are in the colour of *nar çiçegi* (kaler bunga buah delima mcm kaler ni)..for girls and lilac for boys (like this)while the skirst and pants are of light brown( like this)...i am very worried about the brown coloured pants.. i mean..u know how boys are, right?? how r we ever be ascertained that the pants wont turn into black???? but the good point is... the skirt is designed as such that if u use it outside of school...u wouldnt know that it is a school uniform skirt.. very fancy indeed...with pockets and nice cutting...anyway..at least the quality of the materials of the clothing are good..and the sports uniform?..they are using the umbro sports brand... so much better quality than the previous years...photos? kena tunggu buka sekolah laaaaaaa heheheh

This ramadan....is a nice ramadan indeed... since it is summer... there is no school! heheh my beloved is more relaxed since there r no lectures....we had 2 iftars at our home this year..one for the Zaim family... and one for my beloved's high school friends..together with their families... there were sooooooooooo many leftovers for both iftars that i did the routine thing i did every year... distribute them to the siblings of course! :0)

What i am most happy about this year is my kids.... this year.. we made a deal... hatice is suppose to fast on alternate days...so in total out of 30 days, she would have fasted 15 days... baddin...he was supposed to fast only during the weekends... and then, this evil mom came with an idea...

As i was telling them of the certain rules of the fasting ..i think Allah more like it gave me the idea of rewarding the kids... as what is of norm esp as i was growing up.. i told the kids that i will pay them 2 TL for every day they fast.. that would be like... 60TL for a month and they are free to buy whatever they want to without us saying *no*.. coz u see.. normally all their eid money is usually invested into their own bank account...so this *fasting money*... we wont interfere... Hatice suddeny said , "anne, ben bir ay oruç tutacağım!" (i will fast one whole month!!) and baddin said..."ben normal dan daha tutacağım"(i will fast more than normal)...
And so.... so far Alhamdulillah hatice is fasting everyday... while baddin.. he is fasting 5 days in a week....so the question is..should i make it compulsory for baddin to fast everyday next year or should i cut him some slack and let him not fast one day next year?...hmmm... what do u think??

Yes...summer school holiday is almost over...we were in sapanca this year for 2 weeks...the rest of the siblings came to once in avery few days....it was good..we ate loads of BBQ meat...we spent time together with those who came to sapanca... n on days were were alone as a family..we spent time doing things... going where we cherish most...this summer is a relaxing one..i sincerely do not look frward towards school opening...the rush in everything is a killing pace...though i do look forward to start my *walk* again..as i am truly lagging behind my beloved in sports department as he has lost quite a lot of fat at the tummy part while i...only lost a kg all summer!! time to catch up! Here r some of our summer holiday photos...@ sapanca
.

We left our pakize at home in istanbul..and we ended up feeding *kartopu* and her 4 lil kittens n sapanca...

my two angels busy watching the kittens play...

the wild berries we picked during our büyük tur (jungle trekking)

büyük tür...a jungle trekking we will keep as a tradition in our family..
as baba used to do that too... we love it and we wanted to keep the tradition alive...

a sweaty simah...

2 siblings playing badminton at kırkpınar...

a lady watching those in the pool..

time for familes to play...

and dancing and shaking their booties...

at a quiet and green place where we had a very peaceful and quiet breakfast...

splash splash!!

a memory lane trip at abant...

one happy girl riding the horse...

one happy boy working hard to cycle the boat at the lake..

2 kids (one by age a man ) fighting with the star wars sword

a game while stting down..

while watching the ducks..

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Grow..my lil man...

2009-09-08T21:09:00.010+03:00

a very nervous boy..

having his blood samples taken for some tests...

being helped into the standard clothing..

a grin to hide the fear...

as he was being taken into the section..

before the big moment before he slips to sleep..

and Alhamdulillah...resting at home wearing the kain pelikat my dad gave us so many years ago...
sünnet... bersunat... is simply a step towards growing up...and if he can climb rocks like this... despşte him not walking properly yet..
i think he will insyaAllah be alrite...
:0)

I hope it is not too late to wish everybody a happy and blessed Ramadan!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The Seven Lakes

2009-07-09T13:40:00.016+03:00

Be glorified in this beauty Allah has bestowed upon us...

..this magnificent force of nature...

For such panoramic view with the love of ur heart alongside u is...

a real blessing...

with frogs croaking accompanied by the birdsongs...

nature untouched by human hands...

even a soak in the freezing waterfall is heavenly...

a simple jungle trekking that left us literally breathless..

of a romantic time amidst the beauty of nature..

of a tea party consisting of only Pringles and tea and cold water..

Yes.. thumbs up mother nature! MasyaAllah..Subhanallah...

Even Pakize the cat who was left behind at home could not stay away from the wild flowers picked from that glorious adventure..

Pls... jump into my TZ artices blog for the detailed story.. ..

http://mytzarticles.blogspot.com/

Yes..i am mumbling again in my one fav local English newspaper... check out the article on the youth centre where it is named after baba..and the timeshare vacation...

I still feel truly guilty deep down for not being able to blog hop to any of my beloved friends' blogs...i can barely update my own blog...

Alhamdulillah..

my beloved is now an Assistant Professor...only 5 or 6 more years before his Professorship...

Özer abi is back home recovering after the surgery....

İclal unfortunately... desperately needing a kidney transplant...is still waiting as the donor (her mom) alongside with her sister n bro were in a car accident... so the transplant is postponed again ...

my painful fingers...after years of postponement..i finally got them checked up..bloodtest..emg and all... nothing truly serious ....so for these 10 days..i need to take certain pills which i hateeeeeeeee..(and the doc told me to lose some weight! )...

100 days of school holiday and i am not free...interesting really...

and yeah..Micheal Jackson is dead... couldnt stop my tears really when i watched Paris talked during the memorial.....heartbreaking really...

Well..that's life, eh? the good..the bad...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Here Comes the Sun...

2009-06-13T21:09:00.022+03:00

He went there with my beloved since our tv was/is dead. We wouldnt have been able to watch him then. Besides, it would be a great change of scenery. It is not that we have never been there. He was out many times anyway in several channels due to several reasons.

We were quickly directed to lobby. A nice lady quickly greeted us and asked whether we would like to have anything to eat or drink. Then, a guy from the programme came. He saw us. As he looked at my kids, he added smilingly and pleasantly...

*bunlar turkçe olimpiyatlardan mı?*

(are they from the turkish olympics?)

**Turkish olympics is a yearly singing competition between children around the world who attended turkish schools in their own country**

his eyes pointing to my angels and i...

When my beloved replied and said in turkish...

*no..they are my kids and wife*

The guy tried to hide his embarrassement and opened another subject!! hahahahahah

I guess that was because my kids r totally not fair at all!

They have burnt skin.. and even baddin who is almost white is now coloured!!

hahahaha

Yes.. Summer holiday is here..100 days of school holiday in fact... In fact, we were all missing for a week (before the summer holiday) to our beloved holiday place in Güre. We were under the sun... we had fun.. we spent time as a family. Alhamdulillah..we came back home happy and relaxed.

The kids are still going to school for several fun activities for 2 weeks..

Mustafa amca has just been discharged from the hosptal today...

Tomorrow Özer abi (my beloved's aunty's hubby) will undergo an open surgery regarding his heart..quite a serious surgery infact...

İclal..my bro in law's wife will have a kidney transplant this friday...

My beloved will attend the oral exam to become Associate Professor next Monday..

So basically.. this week is a week full of prayers for all things to go well...

We need your prayers too...please...

Here are photos of our recent endevours...

Life in istanbul is so hectic...

it was truly wonderful to slow down a bit and relax from the usual.

The only bad thing is...we couldnt bring pakize the cat with us...

Luckily.. she is very well loved...

Mıstık came everyday to feed and walk her in the garden.....

Saime chatted with pakize while she was doing her ironing...

and keremcan brought her out walking in her cage...

What a very lucky cat that is.. masyaAllah..

My beloved on tv promoting Medya sanat Atölyesi

Edremit... this will always be a special place for us...

This time the family section (at the sea) has been moved to the previously women's section..

In akçay for some vardar ice cream...
(it turned out the Vardars' came from macedonia as well!)

just a lil bit of romance hehehe

burnt faces of my heart breakers..
Halil n baddin were cute at the beginning.. pinkish bodies all over... then pain came...and later they turned into snakes as their skin started to peel..
Hatice? she is the lucky one.. she simply turned dark without any pain...
(naturally she followed her mom's genes hehe)

a spcial pose for u all hehehe

a burnt boy playing with the key...

with her hair braided ..in blue and with the burnt skin.. she actually looked like one of those hindi

movie stars!

a burnt family..

please notice also my skin.. , looked like a red indian!

burnt burnt skins all over! hahahahah

Gosh...going on a vacation is always wonderful isnt it?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Happiness is.....

2009-05-30T23:26:00.015+03:00

When it was suddenly announced that they would be presenting the appreciation certificates to the instructors, one of my students who also happens to be the education manager of the bank automatically looked at me and grinned. I couldnt stop a chortle of laughter... and waited for my turn...

One by one..the names were called....and when it was my turn... the director handed me the certificate...me laughing saftly to myself...... him...obviously not feeling well.. gave me a sweet smile...a smile with a million unspoken messages.....

Well... it was quite funny though to have a husband handing over a certificate to his wife in an official gathering like that!! hahahah

Yes... i was happy... he was too...and that was the end of my teaching career...

What is THE obvious happiness is when u look at these two kids...

enjoying their *roti canai* dipped in *rendang* sauce...
for breakfast...something they used to eat when they were in Malaysia last year....
Yes..they have missed Malaysia ....young as they are...some memories there..
they do carry with them for a long long time...
Malaysia.... will always be a part of them..

So... when Malaysia comes to Turkey....

presenting Turkey...
with this one big bag with loads and loads of goodies
that my beloved could barely carry...a gift from Mulan Cayang... THANK YOU!! *HUGS*
Another gift from kak Rina Sayang... THANK YOU!!*HUGS*
inside with loads and loads of goodies from this one *Angelic family*
that even Pakize the cat couldnt not resist
smelling them... (She recognized the sambal ikan bilis *dried anchovies cooked in hot chillies* automatically and was sniffling at it..*funny though for a cat who doesnt like fish!!*)

My beloved attacked 2 ripe sweet mangos last night and could barely hold himself from eating the third...
He thoroughly enjoyed his breakfast of roti canai and rendang...
accompanied by the *red guava* juice...

and i...eating those home made serunding and sambal ikan bilis (anchovies cooked in chillies)....
That is indeed heaven on earth...

Yes... indeed.. we have been honoured by the presence of a fellow akak blogger...
Mak Lang and family
who are in İstanbul en route the holy land for their umrah...
kak long, Hatice,Baddin,Hakim
The rest of Mak lang's children were asleep due to jet lag..

Mak Lang and i...
Bertemu jugak akhirnya kita...

Persahabatan terbina...

Pak Lang and my beloved...

2 families...

The ladies with 2 boy..bodyguards...

All these while Mak Lang made me salivating over the food she cooked/cooks at home...

It simply never crossed my mind that even while living so far away...

i get to have a bite of her famous home made dried food...

Oh yes... I can vouch for her reputation skills.. they are definitely delicious!!!

They were terribly jet lagged..yet they were the perfect host...

I can never repay their kindness...But i am sure their kindness will not go amiss.

Perhaps one day... (Mak Lang cepat bodek pak lang!!)...

our meeting will not be inside the hotel room.. maybe next time..it will be at our humble apartmant..this time with me... my beloved and my kids acting as the hosts at our humble apartment...

eating home made turkish food...

Next time insyaAllah..

Happiness is....

when you are surrounded by love and kindness...

And friends who care for you...

Alhamdulillah...I am blessed...

P.s... i got to meet atok and wan as well!! Seronoknya...a comel couple indeed...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T14:23:00.008+03:00

*What's for breakfast? *

A smiley pancake with banana as the mouth.
.the strawberries as the eyes...
the oranges as the nose and ears...
the apples as the hair and earrings.....
for my...

benim çiçeğim...

The same pancake as well ...
though minus the earings..for

Benim şekerim...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!!

At the end of the day...it is LOVE that matters...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Feline...

2009-04-27T16:11:00.009+03:00

There he was...

her lil sibling...

newly taken off the cage...

lying dead on the newspaper...

I do not know the language she speaks...but the air was unmistakable...

She was sad...

she was sniffing after her lil sibling...

she put her paws onto him and rested her head over him...

She licked him...

cleaned him with her tongue...

perhaps...

trying to wake him up...

hoping to wake him up...

all these the mother watching...

Her saying something to the mother while the mother replied...in a language only they can understand...

The moment my dad took the lil bro up and out of the house... both of them ran after him... watching from the windows of the house as my dad was burying the lil sibling in the garden....

That was a cat's love...

and Princess Mickey (the sister) and Twinkle (the mom)'z actions left me in awe...

of how love...

knows no boundry..

even among animals...-...

Just look at Twinkle.. she isnt the most attractive adorable cat at all isnt she??

She is skinny to the bone.. she looks as if a slight wind can blow her away...

But then..looks can be soo deceiving..

I have never seen a more loving mother cat than this one...

She loves... she cares for her offsprings soooooo deeply..

a very dedicated mom indeed...and she has a wonderful daughter in Princess Mickey...

and the rest of the lil ones whom by now must be soooooo grown up...

the age of Pakize even...

Talking about daughter....Yes... my very own human one and only daughter...

She came home 2 Mondays crying of injustice.
*It will be pet's day tomorrow. All my friends will bring in their pets. But the teacher said no dogs and cats!!
That is not fair!!!*
She cried in frustration in Turkish..
It was after i came back from my lecture did she asked whether i could bring Pakize to her school for 5 minutes...enough for her to show off her cat...

since i would be going there anyway for a short meeting with baddin' s class teacher...
I sms- ed her teacher and the answer was an affirmative...

She was one happy girl of course... she had sooo wanted to show pakize to her classmates...

My appointment with Baddin's teacher was at 11.20am... but i was 20 minutes early..i waited somewhere near the corridor of the 1st level where the first,second and third graders are...

It didnt take much time though before found myself being swarmed over by cute sweet first graders who suprisingly are baddin's classmates... they were heading towards their art class. Pakize was in her cage then... but these sweet smiles were sooo adorable... they kept begging for a chance to pet pakize that i relented...holding Pakize's 4 legs...they were all swooning over pakize...telling me about their own pets...or future pets... patting pakize happily... pakize looking left and right...wondering of those faces she knew not...It was little faces all over...one after another... some i have chatted with before...some i have not...all curious... chatting ..talking.. loving this one cat...which after one hour and a half made me feel so flustered all over and Pakize a lil bit grumpy... but i think Pakize made many kids happy that day....Of course those who cant stand cats only look from afar... still curious... i think Pakize attracted the attention of not only the students..but also the teachers... the staff and even the cleaners!! hhhahahah Yup.. there was one very famous cat in my kids' school last Tuesday!! Many were begging me so that i bring Pakize to school again one day...hahahaha

What did my kids' do when they saw Pakize...?

Baddin patted her for a bit..then left us for lunch..

Hatice did the same thing too!!!arghhhhh...

She was the only who wanted to show off her cat to everyone and it was i who ended up doing that for one hour and a half!! hahahaha

Girl...U r grounded!! *wink*
Oh yes...That is the story of Pakize...

An instant celebrity Last Tuesday noon....

The kids' end of year performances..baddin's tonite n hatice's monday...

i have got many stories to tell actually..but time seems not on my side..cant wait for summer !!!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Our inner fears...and Malay!

2009-04-18T08:54:00.010+03:00

I suppose everytime baddin's breathing becomes choppy..or when hatice has pain in her tummy... Meşe (the doctor aunty)...my beloved and I will always think of the worst and become panic...

Well... u cant help it, can you? Not when that year many years ago... baddin could not breathe and my beloved had to bring him to the hospital....that looking at his son...he had even asked his doc sis, meşe...
*is my son gonna die?*....

or my lil princess.... a few months ago...who had to go thru intense tummy pain (that entry in her blog...www.haticeveokul.blogspot.com for so many days only to discover that one of her ovaries had to be removed? The fear in us parents if the same thing ever to occur again...

So it was only natural when she complained of intense severe tummy pain... i immediately called meşe...to ask of which side they took off her ovary on that day....Meşe'z voice turned serious....i could hear her voice scared...her pain more intense...barely able to walk... and i..trying to be calm and secretly..fearfully reliving the memories of that previous nightmare...waiting for my beloved to go home from his night lecture so that he can decide on what to do next...

In my mind..i was praying...*please Allah...not her other ovary... she will make a good mother if she has kids*...in my mind...i couldnt think of any positive things....esp when i looked at her... she looked terrible..she was crying... to think again..it was probably her crying over fear of the past experience...mixed with pain...i mean she is only 8 years old...i dont think she would welcome another surgery!! Anyway...to cut matters short... my beloved finally got home....he brought her to Sema hospital...after ultrasound...blood test and medical check up....the doc couldnt find anything wrong with her...but he wanted to keep her at the hospital overnight. My beloved decided against it and brought her home. It was probably gas in her tummy i suppose... gas and loads and loads of fear...She is ok Alhamdulillah....she skipped school the next day to rest...i even brought her to bahause (hardware store)..to buy red rasberry plant to accompany the blackcurrant plant i bought the previous day!! (pls pray our potty plats dont die..i am a plant killer! hahah) While walking in Carrefour which is next to bahause... she looked fine to me!! What is it with girls and shopping eh??

Yup.. missing i have been from the internet world... I have been staying away from it...dunno why..I have missed hopping to all my friends' blogs... but i cant blog hop yet (sorry)....So many things has happened...nothing out of the ordinary though...

Baddin celebrated his 7th birthday last 6th of April.... he got 3rd place in the swimming contest among the first grade students in his school...

Hatice...well... she strained her ankle...missed school a couple of days these 2 weeks...got tummy pain....and she finally realises that i will always scream at her coz shez the eldest! hahahaha (kiddo..feel free to find another mom)

Educationally... they both have got their mid term report cards....Good or bad?... Good i suppose....
Will update their blogs next week...need to scan many papers...

Pakize the cat now demands me to bring her to walk in her cage every morning.... she will start licking my face or bite me up softly to wake me up starting 4 am every morning.....in fact..as i am typing right now.. she is right next to me waiting paitently for a stroll outside... heheh

my beloved is as usual busy working...

ı am also busy making myself busy even when i am not busy!!! hahahaha

Remember my plea in a few previous entries about my kids and their learning Bahasa Melayu? my national language?

Upon reading my entry... a very sweet blogger sister Kak Rina (http://silversarina.blogspot.com/) had sent me a sms saying that she had sent some books to me and that she took my addy from kak elle (http://www.kakelle2.blogspot.com/)...

We thought the books got lost ...finally... last week...the books reached my place....

THANK YOU KAK RİNA!! SEMOGA ALLAH MEMBALAS JASA AKAK (since she refused to let me pay)...

And yup... 2 days a weekday... my kids are now systematically and very slowly.... learning...
Malay...
English phonics..(they sort of got confused with the ABC pronounciation between turkish style and roman style)
Quran....

3 in 1 heheh

I was actually suprised to see how eager they r to learn to read my mother tongue... they were laughing... and adding a few words that they already know in Malay to each other....

for example...we learned..

ini (this)
ibu (mother)
Abu (a boys name)

ini ibu abu

means...

This is abu's mother

and what did hatice said?

*ini ibu kuching!* (pointing at me!)
(this is the cat's mother)

heheh

Another instance... baddin always teased hatice on the words *kakak* in Malay which means elder sister...
Unfortunately... *kaka* in Turkish means *stool*..well.. u know...the waste u takeout of ur body after the big toilet??

He would tease his sister laughingly.. sen kaka sın!! (u r kaka ehem stool)...
and she would deny... *no..no!! i am *along*!...

Along is the title u give to the eldest sister....

how creative kids can be eh?? hahahahaha

My Funny funny kids..
Hatice and her dream home...
for a school project...

Baddin with the first medal he won after the swimming competition..

Bacalah Anakku

A set of Malay language learning books...

THANK YOU KAK RİNA!

A set of books to guide me with the teaching of my kid's Quran lesson

(gee...i have almost forgotten to read jawi! hahaha)

Again...from KAK RİNA

Read easy phonics...

Wonderful for introducing the ABC and phonics to kids...

again...from Kak Rina..

I think that i have to agree that whenever we are trying to good things... like trying to teach our kids his book or teaching malay or english....Allah will ease our way somehow..in this case... HE sent selp in the form of Kak Rina and her Kindness....

Allah Razı Olsun...

and my eyes water....

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Costume Party 1

2009-03-29T10:42:00.024+03:00

For the last 2 weeks...
i was ambushed by whatever legal matters i have to deal with..
...rushing here and there to settle them.....
some settled...one main matter left to be dealth with.....
..some days i was on my own.....
some days i was with my beloved...
sweating ourselves...
drinking the turkish tea...(Yup..Zaimlar.. i was drinking tea!! hahaha)
and i...
have never seen my stress level this high..
my exhaustion level this severe....
Thus... i must ask for some slack for being absent from the blog hopping world for a long long time... hopefully before the end of next week..... for this phase at least.. everything will be settled... Pray for me pls...Dah nak pengsan dah!

... it was yesterday where it was time to let down our hairs...

Costume Party..
Merve's 20th Birthday Party
at Baba's (my late dad in law) place...

Presenting....
Nur Hatice as the Cleopatra...
(The hairstyle was her own idea... done at the hair dresser)

in Gold..

Sabahaddin as the *Kafkas Boy*
with a moustache..The Dad as the Tok İmam
(with Malay costume underneath and The outer costume bought from Saudi Arabia many years ago..)
The mom as...I have no ideaaa hehehe
(I was planning to sew a jacket of some sort as the upper part since the dress is sleeveless..but Alas! i had not the time to do so...so a black shawl to cover that gorgeous dress underneath)

The food...
Thanks to Saime.. Kerim n Meşe...
Eline Sağlık!

The Birthday Girl
...wearing her mom's wedding dress....
That's 20 years over wedding dress style! Cool !!

The Birthday girl's mom (Meşe)..
..wearing clothings from the 80s..
her sözleşme dress...

The birthday girl's bro...
Safa...as Lord Vader..
complete with 2 swords (not in the picture)....

Ülya Elif ..as the Spanish Girl in Red..

Zeynep..as the Girl Pirate...

Ekrem...as A Handsome Groom...

Ediz... as A brutal Cute Rambo...

Keremcan..as a Fenerbahçe Footballer..

İpek..as a Princess in Pink..
İlayda..as Snow white..

Merih as a kid...

Özlem as a girl from the 80s..(notice her hairstyle)

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Costume Party 2

2009-03-29T10:21:00.013+03:00

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

My sunshines...

2009-03-22T09:25:00.006+02:00

She is the eldest...which sadly makes her an easy target??

So when she came to me while i was in the kitchen... with a glass of milk which she claimed to belong to her..in which had been licked by Pakize the cat ... i took a deep breath and gave her another empty glass with a carton of fresh milk... 5 minutes later... i heard her voice ....grumbling heading towards the kitchen.... she didnt have to say it....i just knew...

Thunder erupted! I mean..what a waste!!! 2 glasses of milk wasted!!!! I told her to lock Pakize out of the living room...i could still hear her mumbling of how unfair it was to be screamed at when she wasnt the one who was being naughty! ....

....and just think... the glass of milk was in front of her while she was eating her breakfast (consisting of pancakes... strawberries topped with chocolate and cheese).....she must be too engrossed watching the tv while eating!!

I called the naughty cat and gave her a plate of milk...the one that used to belong to hatice...remember?..and what did the naughty cat do??? she licked the milk 3 times and left the plate almost full!! hahahaha... i guess she just wanted to eat or drink whatever the elder siblings were eating and drinking i guess.....

5 minutes later... baddin entered the kitchen...

*Anne... ı love that bread thing *

* u mean the pancake??*..i replied..

*Yup! thatz the one.... can u make some more??*

I gave him a plate full of small shaped pancakes to be shared with his sister...Well..i was not talking to her yet remember?? i was angry!!

And as baddin was heading to the living room with the pancakes.....i told him to...send my Selam (salam) to his sister...

and a few seconds later.... from the closed door of the living room a voice replied....

ELEYKUMSELAM (Waalaikumussalam)..

hahahahahahaahahahahahahı couldnt stop myself..
I burst into instant laughter...
How can i be angry at her for long?????
Ah... they give me headaches..but they r also my sunshines...
Cant complain eh?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

This tugging.. (this is a long entry! I need your help as well..)

2009-03-12T08:02:00.021+02:00

It was an impulse action. He truly regretted it then that he took no heed of his boring wife's mumblings of getting the tyre chain....for just in case...it is still winter after all...

We were going up thinking

*to risk or not to risk?*

…we were risking it…...digging deep insde the adventurous side of our minds....
until he saw the sign when translated says…

*Having the tyre chain is a must!*

He stopped the car. Thinking hard. I could hear his mind debating…*to turn back or move on??*…As the other 3 hearts beat loudly… wishing that it was a move on he would decide on…. he was the boss there. The steering on his hands. When suddenly…

*7890* move on!

Allah had help him decide by making the police passed our matrix and told us to move on!!

THANK YOU ALLAH!!

And that was how we got to the Uludağ mountain in Bursa by car… of course we bought the chain on the way up… for an expensive price i might say…but the fun and laughter of the kids and the contented and happy face of beloved…the risk was definitely worth taking!

Yup.. we were in Bursa 2 weekends ago..…a city full of histories and loads and loads of camiis (mosques) to visit. It is a city if i have to move out of İstanbul.. a city i can live in…We reached there Saturday noonunder the rain… we got drenched to the bone…as we visted 12 places that day under the rain. Were we cold? U bet! I was dreaming of hot chocolate of the turkish winter drink Salep as we walked from one place to another… but we simply couldnt find a place that we liked to drink those drinks…i lost my beloved camera twice even! Hahaha.. i can laugh now..but trust me..i almost cried that day…twice! Hahahah…

we even met hatice’s class teacher Nuray Çatman in one of the Camiis!It is a small world after all…. ... I wont bore u all with the details of every camii… this is not after all a tourist guide. But let me tell you one thing though…. With all the köftes we ate ate the famous çiçek izgara..where baddin demolished 2 portions of köfte everytime we ate there….or the famous İskender kebap where they accidently gave me 1.5 portion instead of the 1 portion that i asked….in between entering the çarşı (open markets) where bursa is famous for itz textile..esp towel business… entering the camiis…where we prayed the sunat as well as the fardu prayers….museums…displays..our matrix was truly dirty by the end of the 2 days...but it was a trip where we came home happy… truly exhausted…yes… but with a glow in our faces… :0)

at koza çarşısı..a place where it used to be the centre where silk was sold.. He may not know all the readings in a prayer..but he prayed still everytime we entered a camii...MasyaAllah...

in ulu camii

just look at the workmanship!

The oldest stone made camii in bursa...the carvings are simply delicious!

the three of us soaking wet posing in one of the camiis...

outside a museum near yeşil (i call it blue) camii..

one of lifez greatest pleasure at uludağ mountain... for 5TL an hour..thatz very cheap!!

father n son.. the son was the best slider there at that time i might say.. no fear ..just slide without even holding the brake!!

a happy kid with a frozen feet heheheh

he looks like he had blusher on eh?..

thatz truly from the cold...

Anne... snap fast!!!
We wanna slide some more!!

Alhamdulillah..things are great at my side of life. I am enjoying 2 weeks off teaching...yup! 2 mondays free of teaching...

But the thing is..i am being tugged... my heart has been tugged by this instinct which keeps on lecturing me on the true things i should do... the angelic side of the instincts...

It had been bugging me eversince last year in fact...it kept saying...

*DO SOMETHİNG about YOUR CHİLDREN'S AL QURAN EDUCATİON!!!*

All these while... i had been letting my kids sort of learn the turkish accent of Quran reading from several places...they live in turkey.. they should be accustomed to the people's accent of reading the holy book... instead of the typical Alif... Ba... Tha... they read it as Elif... be..te... Personally..in Malaysia..i was trained with the Alif...ba..tha pronunciation...

But this tugging at the back of my mind had gotten too forceful that i could no longer ignore it...After a much discussion with my love one... we have decided that i will take over their Quran education...Allah knows that i need help even in my reading... when i tried to open the 7 CDs on how to learn Quran... the computer system couldnt open that cd!! i was shocked!! i needed something to guide me thru this in this quest!! i checked the internet...many paid sites.... and finally i saw this one site...

http://www.as-sidq.org/durusulQuran/zenglish/durusulquran1.html

which is very simple and yet is a big help indeed for me to plan my lessons with the kids...
With the books we have at home.. bought from Malaysia as well as from istanbul... slowly..for 10 minutes for 3 days a week... my kids are learning their Alphabets in arabics...i am not pushing them too hard...their workload at school is too heavy as it is... Alhamdulillah.. they are willng to learn despite everything...bit by bit...as i teach them..as i do my own research to prepare for the lesson.. i too am getting better..i guess that is the benefits of it all.. the bereket... i keep praying to Allah...
*Ya..Allah...i am with so many flaws...Pls dont hold my flaws against my kids...pls help me to teach them reading your book*...

So far..Alhamdulillah...HE is helping me by telling it to my instincts what is the better way .etc..etc...

I had also made a promise to the kids.... Years ago..i promised them that i will only start with their english book reading once Baddin knows how to read in Turkish... Yup.. the time has come.... along with the tugging i have for my kids to learn Al Quran...this too is bugging me... And so... starting with some materials i bought from Malaysia a few years ago...phonics..etc..etc..I think Hatice and Baddin are really doing very well indeed.....i buy them simple nglish books from here too naturally... phew! they r expensive indeed!! i am not sure when we will converse more in English at home...but not now...reading first...a fluent reader..then a fluent speaker...(psss..i think they have an american accent!!)

And another internal tugging...BM!! Yup.. Bahasa Melayu... the language i speak back home... U are free to sneer at me... before this.. i thought.. since we can only go to Malaysia once in 5 years..and i only speak the northern malay accent only whenever i call my family... i thought that making the kids speak English is enough.... suprisingly... this new tug in me is telling me...

TEACH YOUR KIDS MALAY LANGUAGE!!!!!!

This is where i really really need your help...
This may be a bit too late..but if there is anyone who knows where i can order Malay books... starting with learning the Malay phonics... and simple interesting coloured books in Malay via the internet...can you pleaseeeeeeee pleaseeeeeeeeee share the addy with me???

Yes.. i do not go online in blogspot much these days... Yes... i almost never blog hop anymore..I think i am finally taking a bigger responsibility towards my kids' language education...something i should have done ages ago... itis not too late...

If you have any suggestions..pls.. dont be shy to share them with me....
i will be truly grateful!!
hugsssss

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

A Special Visitor... Turkey...

2009-02-26T15:26:00.015+02:00

She is a meat eater..whereas i..

i love the veggies n salads...and not so much of the meat or the chicken..

Like ying and yang..we ate harmoniously...

The first time we met... we chatted and chatted that we forgot to snap a pic of ourselves...

She...was definitely happy with the mixed kebap i ordered...

The second time... When we meet again...she said...

*Simah...i wanna eat kebap..like the one we ate that day*

and so.. when we ordered...

1. karışık kebap (mixed kebap)

2.salad

3.eti pide

4. cant remember the name but the dish has grilled eggplant topped with köfte..

5. dessert

and 2 fındık lahmacun n lavas ekmek with butter as compliments from the restaurant...

I think for 2 girls to be ordering all that food... the waiter couldnt believe his ears!! I was secretly doubting that this one visitor will be able to finish all the meat as well!

And polished the plates she did...and i think she now understands why it is normal for me to have the body size i posses at the moment :0)

Hazia with some of the things we ordered...

posing for the camera

posing with all the food (except for dessert) on the table..

It was nice indeed to see a Malay face..

But the thing is... if she is my daughter...i will never let her do what this girl did...
toeing tipsying around Turkey all on her own...

istanbul...selçuk...çanakkale..

It takes personal preference and guts to do that..but that was exactly what she did...having adventures after adventures in their own rights... If u r interested in listening to her stories.... pls click..

http://haziasreflections.blogspot.com/

I may be living in istanbul..but the truth is... those who had come to this country for a tour ay have seen this place more than i did...

But there is always one thing that always fascinates me...The beauty of..
*Tura*

The turkish ottoman signature and style of writing which graces most historical places here..

I even wear a necklace with tura sign coz i simply love it!

It is a pity not to be able to reconcile with the beauty and the history of the great history that resides in this country.. of the great civilization... of the great strength and courage of the people...of the mistakes that lead to the downfall of the gret empire..

I had the chance to go on a bit of a tour to a few places wih the ladies..aka..the moms ofthe 2nd graders...we went to topkapı palace and the Panorama museum...a newly opened museum..with a tour guide... arranged by the school..

One of the the things that really caught my mind was the knowledge how valuable those african blacks were at the age of the Ottoman...At Topkapı Palace...They were the most trusted guards..the Padişah valued them as the guardians of his possessions and valuables...because...if we loo at the history of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.V)... Bilal.. the black guy was one of the treasured friend...The Ottoman Padişah took it as a sign and specially brought those black africans to be his guard..

I was also totally in love when i entered the 3D show of the Fethi Savaşı...the war against the BYzantine who was oppressing the people...We won.. Just imagine urself to be ..

inside this closed dome...where u feel that u are the spectator of the war...
I was and am truly impressed that i think that those 1.3 trillion lira paid to make this dome was truly money well spent...!! History was preserved magnificently her...U have to be there to see the real beauty.. Even for a foreigner like me...with very limited knowledge of the histories of this nation...i was awed..
Here r some of the snaps i took while i was in the dome...i abandoned trying to listen to the guide coz it wastruly lovely there..

Nurah Hanım (class teacher) with some of the moms of Hatice's classmates

The paintings were soo real..

The only flaw was..the exhibition and stories on the walls ofthe museum are all in Turkish.. i think in time.. there will be a translation.. and for only 5TL per person..it was truly worth going there...

p.s.. Due to time limit.. i can only reply the comments in the previous entry a bit later..i hope u will forgive me...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Last Nite..

2009-02-19T11:56:00.010+02:00

Situation 1
**********
I wouldnt have called her *My best Buddy Ever* if she isnt the best ..*

...simah rolling her eyes...

.. But then.. after having to restrain herself hard from flaunting the sarcasm she truly wish to throw at me upon reading my last entry (realization 1)..i think this time... it is only fair to give her self restrain a rest...and thank her...

U see... my driving licence will expire next month... as we were chatting..i asked her about the price of renewing the licence...and bless her...she found the site addy for me in a warp speed which allowed me to renew my licence online! Therefore...i do not need to send my present driving licence thru postage and ask my dad to renew it in Malaysia...a job truly made easy thru the use of internet...THANKS BUDDY!

The thing is though.. in order to renew my licence.. i wanted to pay using the credit card...but then.. after i had typed all my credit card details...a pop up window appeared...i needed to register my card for the UGP system of the bank which allows secure payment line... i typed in my password and my CVC2... error!!.. i tried the second time... again wrong!! The third time...*Your credit card has been blocked!!*.... Oh no!! What was wrong?? i keyed in the correct password.. i keyed in the correct CVC2... when i called the bank to ask for a new pin number.....they asked for the details of my mother etc..etc... of course.. since my credit card is attached to the account holder..of course the details would have been of my beloved's details' hahahah and now.. in order to activate my credit card again..my beloved (as the account holder) will have to go to the bank itself and reactivate it..

When he will find the time to do that?? Allah knows! hahahahah And so..i paid my driving licence renewal with my beloved's credit card... YES! ..Alhamdulillah...:0)

Situation 2
*********
It was also yesterday when i celebrated my 2nd day of starting *walking* again at my beloved park...after a year of abandoning that weight challenge effort... i decided to start again last tuesday...my whole body was aching... it was painful to walk... but i feel great again.... so that is great! Anyway... i was soo tired yesterday... coz on top of it all... the place was a mess!! Anyway...as it was bed time... as i tugged the kids to bed..as i lie down on the couch ...half awake half sleeping while waiting for my beloved to come home... as the kids were drooping their eyes to sleep....

*ring ring*...

it was Özlem.. my sister in law aka our front door neighbour...

she asked...
*Simah..r u all ok? Almost everybody is here...*

And then i remembered.. it was her Birthday! hahahahah,

Sleepy eyed..i told the kids to wake up.. changed their clothes while i donned my jeans under my dress pyjama and a shawl over me to cover the fact that i was wearing my pyjama! hahahahahaha *tam bir rezilik!* (a true disaster!) hahaha

I had totally forgotten about her Birthday!! luckily.. i had bought her birthday last week and gave her the gift on that same day! Else... i would also go there empty handed as well!!! hahahahaahahahah

Here is pakize... long..slim and truly spoilt!! Have u met a cat who does not like to eat fish and would rather starve the whole day rather than eat the fish.. waiting patiently for her anne to feed her liver??? Yes.. this cat is one of those!!!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Reflections and realizations

2009-02-12T18:30:00.025+02:00

Realization 1

I have almost forgotten that light feeling....of laughing like a school girl again... laughing at his jokes...teasing him...as he did me...playing up with the chemistry of love in our hearts...

It was a rainy day...i was freezing.....it was just a simple breakfast indeed...yet so lovely...the airy feeling of it all...the sparkle as we spent time in each other's company...feeling the love....it made me realize that... all these years of the burden of raising the kids...the housework...me screaming my head off when i got cranky at the kids or my beloved for that matter..... had made me sooo stressed out that i am less fun to be with... tht his jokes made me more cranky than ever..

True...i love him and he loves me...there is no doubt about it... but i guess...once in while...it is great to be able to forget all worries and responsibilities and be carefree again...

As he grinningly reminded me...

*A man wants "ilgi ve sevgi" (attention and love) from his wife like he used to get from his mom*

so typical of men!! hahahaha..

*TEM.. i am your wife!! not ur MoM!*

Realization 2

Her birthday was on the 6th.. As parents we hadnt bought her any gift...and in my mind.. i simply couldnt forget that gorgeous dress i saw at Debenhams a few weeks ago... i thought that i would buy that for her birthday..I followed my beloved to the other side of the bridge and straight away went to Cevahir shopping mall in Şişli... Alas!! The dress collection at Debenhams has changed!! that gorgeous dress was no longer there!!!

I looked at the other shops there but well... u see..when one's mind is set on something... ..*sigh*... anyway... i took a bus back to our side of the bridge and headed for bağdat caddesi where there r rows and rows of branded shops.. and can u believe it??? I walked from Bostancı to Caddebostan alongside Bağdat Caddesi and None caught my eyes!! hahahaha a hopeless case indeed!! In the end..i bought her *Scrabble* with the turkish alphabets!! Alhamdulillah... she loves it and we play it all the time as part of our family time...

The next day..i went to Kadiköy coz i had a promise to fulfill..i looked at it before the summer holiday. i liked that something and i thought that it would be just perfect for him... But i thought that i wouşd by it once i got back from Malaysia... Time passed by and i had not the chance to go to kadıköy until last wednesday... Alas!! the shop which sells that thing i wanted to buy is closing down!! That shop is almost empty and that thing i wanted to buy...well.....*sigh*... i bought an almost similar thing from another shop...but yes..

It is obvious that if i like something...i shouldnt hesitate and postpone the purchase till later...2 things and 2 postponement.. and they slipped thru my fingers!! hahahahha...

But looking at it the more positive way... the Türks will say...*kısmet!* ..yes... it is FATE :0

How r things?? Well... Many things have happened...The kids' winter school holiday is over... They spent the first week joining the english and social activities at school... the second week was no less hectic...with hatice, baddin and i attempted *ice skating* at kanyon (hatice fell every 5 mins!! hahaha)...a sleepover between hatice n zeynep and while the rest of the cousins came playing till bedtime...movie watching...a trip to one of our fav television station (STV)..hatice baked her own birthday cakes on friday...and saturday and sunday... while my beloved attended a conference of some sort in izmit... the ladies and kids were given the vip treatment where we were brought to tour around izmit and the surrounding areas by the wives of the businessmen association...Well... since it was a special tour..the director opened the museum esp for us (coz it was sunday)... baddin got to sit on the *padişah (sultan's) chair...he got to stand next to the padişah's bed...etc..etc..we could snaps photos as well where it was normally forbidden...it was really great to take a day off from cooking and be treated exclusively...even the kids found a friend in a 6th grade girl named kevser.. so they were not bored at all!!

The kids? Hatice is on her baby steps towards self independence (pls go to www.haticeveokul.blogspot.com)
and baddin... he is in the process of buiding enough courage to do things....he is not able to *ask* for things he wanna buy..pay himself.. he now has pick up enough courage to take a bath on his own... and i think...slowly.. he will be brave enough towards basic independence.. He also had the *okuma şenliği* where he made people laugh when he said something about..... pls go to www.baddinveokul.blogspot.com for the video...

Life is back to the usual hectic..my beloved n his bro selim r increasing their ankara trip from one day a week to 2 days a week now... the kids r busy with school ..i am making myself busy with things...well.. there r sooo many things to do!! .. and yet in all... we try to find time for each other...a bit stolen moments here and there... family time and games whenever possible coz u see... at the end of the day... it is ur family that counts...the rest comes second....

While waiting for our breakfast at the hotel..
posing at STV's famous *yesil elma* cooking program set
Gosh!! i wouldnt mind having this as my own!! it is simply gorgeous!!

Both hatice and baddin separately bought their own cartoons of milk and paid for them themselves

a road to self confidence (hopefully)

The birthday girl hugging the lil bro..

it will be a miracle to be able to snap a pic of baddin not making funny faces!!

the baking cake process...

We love each other

(hopefully forever :0))

The movie we went to? it was a total mistake..

2 bored kids..

in front of STV (tv station)

the birthday girl with the cousins...

she baked those cakes herself (with a lil bit of help from baddin..)

The businessmen wives (except i)

all xtremely nice!

at the stairs of the padişah's place

aka..museum

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Last nite...

2009-02-04T09:55:00.018+02:00

Where r these two girls going?? Who r they??

Can u guess?? Yup..that's Hatice n her cousin Zeynep...

Hatice was sending her cousin off to the next building where Zeynep lives... but Why??

It all started in the morning where the day was rainy...cloudy and cold...

Sweet Mıstık had gone to the other side of the bridge (Allah razı olsun)...reaching our place at 10am...without even having his breakfast simply because... he went to collect our camera from the pixer!!

Gee... i should have told him to buy breakfast on the way!! (one lesson learned)..

The camera it seems will never be totally 100 % ok again...it is obvious that i need to buy new one whenever i can afford one..(which may take a year perhaps :0(..

but no bother...it is still functional..and so...
last nite when we had....

2 sweet lil girls as our guests... hatice n baddin were obviously estatic!Baddin had been counting the time 3 hours before they even come!!

*anne...zeyneplar saat 1800 geleceklar...şimdi..saat 1500...3 saat kaldı*

(Anne..Zeyneps (Zeynep n Elo) will come at 1800..now it is 1500..3 more hours to go)...

And yes...
the kids posing on top of my bed...the once in a million chance to do that coz the master bedroom is normally a *no entry zone*...:0)

I came up the safest menu on the planet...something that i thought everybody could eat...pınar köfte...esp for elo...(and the rest of the kids as well of course)

pasta for everyone...

fındık lahmacun (small sized lahmacun)...

and fries...
Well... somebody ate something.. hehehe
*no pressure...u r free to eat and do as u please*
was the motto last nite...

It was movie time for a while with me controlling which part they could watch and which part they could not...

Baddin n Elo later moved on to the pc games in the bedroom while hatice n Zeynep was engrossed with *mama mia*...

By 8.30pm...we had more additions to the number of kids at home...

Keremcan from next door came...
and so mama mia was postponed with Kermcan wanting to play with Pakize...
(pls do not mind the quality of the photos)

Ediz and ekrem were there too..

And while they all played... i busied myself with the baking of..

Chocolate chip cookies

and chocolate chip muffins..
andi gave them *toto chocolate eggs* where toys come out from the choc egg..
(forgot to snap their pic hehe)

and by 10pm...Selim came to fetch Elo.. while Keremcan n the twins went home as ell... leaving..
Zeynep at our home for a...

SLEEPOVER!!!

This is Hatice's first and i assume Zeynep's too!!

They slept wayyyyyyyyy past their normal bedtime with the girls chatting....giggling and writing something in Zeynep's diary...

In which left Baddin full with jelousy...refusing to sleep until he could barely open his eyes...I had to bribe him by letting him sleep on hatice's bed last nite ...and another extra bribe?? he could sleep on my new pillow!

hahahaha
Hatice and Baddin had a great time last nite... And we thank the cousins for coming...

Baddin asked...

*when can i invite ediz n ekrem for a sleepover??*...

and my answer was...is...

*wait a year or two*

İnsyaAllah...soon...

And in line with the *no pressure* motto...

This morning when i asked them...

*what do u want for breakfast? We have sucuk...salam..sosis*

And guess what their answer was??

*COCO POPS!!!*

hahahahahaha

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Question Mark

2009-02-01T09:19:00.004+02:00

My students in my reading class are truly very eager...intelligent...and curious students...

There we were in the class one evening when suddenly one of them asked...

*how do i ask this turkish question in English?*

"Barrack Obama... kaç inci Amerikanın Cumhurbaşkanı?"

kaç inci means *ke berapa* in malay

Cumhurbaşkanı means *presiden* in Malay

I felt as if i was struck by a lightning...!! I couldnt come up with an answer.

I searched every particle...every compartment in my brain to seek the asnwer but my brain was as if had a meltdown...it couldnt come up with an answer...The truth is..i never knew there is such a structure of question in English! But perhaps i was wrong??

And so...during breaktime... i consulted 2 of my colleagues...

and YES!

I was not alone!! It was and probably is the most famous question circulating around as well... n they were stuck as well (Thank God!!)..

That is a question of the Turkish language structure where in English..u simply ask...

*What number is Barrack Obama??*

Phew! what a relief!!!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Resurfing Again...

2009-01-31T09:52:00.004+02:00

Scenario 1

It was definitely not my kind of idea to recieve guests....No...no..it was not..... everything was totally an out of the blue thing...a day to remember indeed... at least for me..

When i recieved a sms from a girl called Anis.... saying that she is a daughter of a relative....i really cracked my brain to remember our relationship and connection... for i.....am a person who remember not the details of whoz who in the family tree... She asked whether we could meet the next day and i said yes.... The truth is... it doesnt really matter if i know her or not... relative or strangers... the point is... she is here...and i am the host in this country.....anyway... she is a girl... so i could go and see her on my own unlike if it is of a male specie...that is a different matter of course...if it is a guy... like in the case of kak roza's son (Dith)...Poor Muhammad..i couldnt go n meet him when he was here coz my beloved was busy!

And so that morning after sending the kids to school (they sort of miss the school service)..i rushed to see Anis at the other side of the bridge (europe).... she turned up with 5 other friends! hahahahahah.. Oh yeah...i felt so ancient then...to be surrounded by 6 young giggling sweet girls... all like our kak roza's daughters (they were here i think 2 years ago? hmmm... bila pulak kak roza sendiri yg nak datang ni???) ...are studying in russia... specialising in medics...

I took them to eat the Sultan Ahmet Köfte near the blue mosque.....while trying to get to know them better......since they were free for the day..i suggested that they come with me to Asia and perhaps they could go for a visit to the princesses islands here in Asia......But first..a stop at my place for prayer....the island n dinner at my place..

Fate however was not on their side i guess... time was running out.. and with the girls being tired..i told them to just make themselves at home while i went out to buy some vegetables and stuffs for cooking... Oh yeah... it was totally a rush coz my home was in a mess...i had been rushing here and there eversince very early in the morning..i had to tidy up things in a speed once the girls reached my place... ... the dirty clothes was scattered everywhere...laundry needed washing...the fridge was bare (literally speaking)...i didnt sleep much the nite before as well... n ...............in short...my home ...my mental as well as my physical being .....i was not ready to receive guests..

I gave the girls the tv remote control and some dvds to choose from n went ahead with my shopping...showed them how to make mizwer... showed them the *hamsi* fish n how to debone the fish...gave them a bit of cooking tips here n there... and later on...taught them how to *cook* turkish coffee... Well..in my rush:...the mizwer turned out too salty n almost burnt! hahahaha... i forgot to buy corn flour to fry the hamsi fish with...so instead... they had to make do with the normal flour....i cooked not enough rice...which luckily was just enough to feed the girls... i forgot to fry the chicken as i had initially planned! and worst still... my turkish coffee was not frothy enough! hahahahahahah i was a totally downgraded cook!! not up to my normal standard at all!!Yes..the Zaims would be ashamed of my cooking skill that day! hahahahaha...well..what can i say..i was in a rush.. n trust me..if i am in a rush...nothing turns out right! hahahaha..typical simah!!!

But the girls...bless them....i suppose they miss a homelike environment..i suppose learning cooking a few different things in a different environment can actually be enjoyable to these young hearts.... .. asking questions of many sorts...they were a great help as well...n they were very eager too to see hatice n baddin!They think my kids r cute heheh And pakize the cat...? they love cats so it was not a problem...though i have to say almost none of them left my place without getting a part of their bodies scratched!! hehe sorry about that girls...:0)

It was really an honour to have them here...and despite the upside down situation...i think the girls enjoyed their stay here as well...even for only a few hours...and having to eat terribly cooked food! hahahaha Yes..pls...do come again my dears! I promise to cook better tasting food the next time u come around...only pls...give me a day's notice! heheheh And so..that the story... The girls got to see me at my worst..:0)

Scenario 2

*Anne, I love the green *forest* but i dont like the white forest*

Hatice was saying while her lil bro nodded in agreement...
When i presented them a white frothy liquid and they tasted it....she exclaimed..

*Anne! i love this!!* while he again nodded in agreement and said *delicious!*..

Yes.. the fate of moms... how we try our best to make our kids eat their fruits and veggies coz they r good for the health... the green forest is actually the florets of the brocolli while the white forest is the florets of the cauliflower and i am truly happy that they complain no more when they are presented with these florets at home.. and the white froth...? that was the caulliflower creamy soup..

hatice loves her brocolli raw while baddin loves it when it is blanched with hot water for half a minute and later immersed in cold water to preserve the greenish color and outlook of the forest....we do try our best eh? As long as they eat their veggies...

r we these days? We r fine Alhamdulillah... The kids r on their winter holiday...my beloved is terribly busy... and in between everything...we all try to do things as a family whenever possible...for some reason... hatice and baddin do demand quality family time together where the four of us do things together...be it going to carrefour for dessert or just sitting at home and playing scrabble...I am glad that even at this age...they see the importance of being together...

Time flies really fast.. when i look at them.. they are both so grown up...Hatice will be taller than i perhaps in 2 year's time. Baddin is trying to catch up with her...drinking loads of milk and eating yogurt and all sorts of veggies...

When i look at Hatice... MasyaAllah... she is developing her potential nicely in all sense...all at her own pace. I cannot ask for a better daughter... she is truly my number one assistant. I guess it is true when people say that when u have a girl for ur first child... u r very lucky... i can see that myself... Educationwise... her best subject is easily English and Turkish language....while she still needs help with math... that...she is of the average level.. but in the last test where there was a standardized exam among the coşkun schools... suprisingly, she got 100 for her math and if i am not mistaken....96 for her turkish! hahahah

Baddin?he has got his dad's brain ..MasyaAllah...catching up with the lesson is easy with him... it was his social skills that i was..am worred about... Even that.. he has improved tremendously... he is more open....much much more talkative...very naughty (is that good r bad???)...he kept getting scolded for being late to class with his partner in crime....for a first grader...if he keeps this up... he will be able to utilise his potential fully esp with the right guidance...

I have decided upon myself as well that yes.. both of them..specifically baddin will have more responsibilities outside the home... For example... a few nights ago...while we were at Carrefour's food court..i showed baddin a place, gave him enough money n he was to go there and ordered *ayran*....gave the money to the cashier...take the balance money back and bring the tray of Ayran to me. He did it successfully...A bit later.... i asked hatice to do the same...It was important for baddin esp since he neeeds to overcome certain fears while increasing his self confidence...he was happy to do it too...unlike the previous year...

The next stop will be the shopping tour... they need to learn what is where... which is good for health n which is not...what the names are....etc..etc...The bills...electric...phone...etc..etc... how n where to pay...etc..etc... Everything that we do in our everyday lives..My aim is for them to slowly learn everything so that after a certain age...i can *bully* them to do all these things while i become a couch potato! hahahahah...Just kidding...:0) The thing is.. they need to know these things..be shown how these simple things operate so that they will feel good about themselves...so that they wont be ignorant and can ease into real life without much effort when the time comes... i know that they r eager to learn slowly...i think it is about time i become a better mother as well.....pay a lil bit more attention to them...

As for me...i had plenty of time to collect my thoughts... our pc is finally back ... the camera is fixed and is waiting for me to collect it from the nikkon servis at the other side of the bridge (europe)...i have truly missed u lot a lot..but it was really a nice break from all things electricals...

i am again playing in my kitchen...playing with the cooking books...tantalising their taste buds... something i had abandoned for quite some time...esp after baba's death...

after years of trying...i have also come up with a confirmed never to fail simahz way of cooking aşure(bubur asyura) which is compatible to most of the Zaim's tastebud while injecting a bit of malaysian enthnicity in it in the amount of milk i added..

I am also a very much improved driver.....i have lost those fears i used to have while driving..i am driving the way i used to drive in Malaysia.. only this time...in the terrible turkish traffic!!!! i am still terrible in parking...something i plan to rectify if only my beloved can find the time to train me...(maybe i will have to wait till summer?)...i am still teaching that 3 hours every monday...my students think that i am a good instructor..and i think that they r good students as well...i will go back to being a housewifey again by May...i will truly miss teaching then...

All in all... things r looking up...This Malaysian bride is doing good here.... I am glad all the attacks in Gazza has stopped. But while it was all going on...i am once again reminded as to why my heart feel attached to the people of this country... Of the kind heart of the people here.....Help is poured everywhere for the people opf Gazza...students...normal people....Just imagine... in 4 days....one of the schools in istanbul collected enogh money (from their students) ..enogh to buy an ambulance for Gazza! Just imagine the whole of Turkey.... Yes... Turkey has itz flaws...but this is not on of them...The kindness of the people's heart is this country's best point indeed...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

2009.....a leash of my heart...

2009-01-04T13:48:00.017+02:00

I had never seen him like that ever...face white as a chalk....face full of frustration..him...a totally well elquant person...stuttering on his words....*it was vey bad...he said*..

I wouldnt have minded if all was fair and square...to accept defeat is easy...but not when it is like this... after analyis upon analysis of that 1 hour and a half event..it was obvious from the start that those 5 people had decided even before it all started to fail him...

They asked no questions of his published papers...no questions at all on his specific field... when he had shown knowledge and the capability to answer the questions being asked..they had cut his words off and bombard him with othe questions from other fields he has little knowledge of... He was under attack...most probably because..they think he is too young..so..*letz make him wait another year*????

But is this the integrity of educators? what right do one have to play a game on an innocent person like this.??? My beloved is a good educator. He has the charisma of an educator. Those who know him can vouch that he does not deserve to be treated like that...And YES......the 5 juries failed him... making him wait for another oral exam in October or December...to be able to recieve the title... associate prof...

YES...today is a day where all the siblings who accompanied him to the exam got really boiling mad..the rest of the family in shock....and his colleages sad....

Well.. *this is Turkey..what do u expect??*..my beloved tried to comfort me...after all.. they did the same thing too to my bro in law halim a few years back.....

Yet.. despite all the happening... my beloved thinks that *there is a silver lining in this matter*... he complains not or talk bad about the juries to others outside the family...he is a good man with good heart.. n i.. for one am proud of him....and like the rest of the family... i will be right behind him for the next time...hopefully it will be fair and square next time.....

Apologies for missing for so long....the kids had been not well ever since the eid..at one point...baddin got so bad...even with the nebuliser... he was having difficulty to breathe...Alhamdulillah...despite the winter cold... we r all quite ok....

The home pc crashed for more than 2 weeks as well...i barely can access the internet coz my beloved was...and is using his laptop most of the times...and i dont even know when he will send our home pc to the fixer....so for now...laptop it is.... and did i mention that my camera is still sick?? heheheheh

And yes... this is how the beginning of 2009 is for us.... not so bad eh? how is urs?

I am really glad though that my beloved n i have paid off the money we borrowed from the kids to buy our car with cash... u cant imagine what a burden it was for us... i couldnt breathe easily until all the money borrowed was returned... so now...at least we are free to save money for a dream trip to the holy land for umrah...as a family... mabe it will take a few years... maybe longer...... fate i guess...if Allah permits us...we will go insyaAllah...

What is of pakize...the kitten?? U should have seen her.. she is sooo grown up (n fat!!) hahaha..i think she accepts us as her family coz at times....she came to us and cleaned our hands with her tounge as well!1 hahahaha... we gave her a bath once a week...but u know what? it is such a waste coz cats are among the cleanest animals in the world...!! she cleans after herself soooo ften in a day...even after we give her a proper bath..and blow dry her...fluffy and sweet smelling...the next moment u know...she is still cleaning after herself again!!! hahahahahah..she is a part of our family indeed...she is sooo naughty... a great companion as she is very curious over everything....sooo loveable..and ...definitely loved... i cant imagine living without her....neither can my beloved n the kids...

The boss is demanding his laptop agin..n so i rest my case for now...life goes on...i will try to be online more often...all my blogs r totally neglected...

Here r the Zaim family during our New Year gathering....we had lucky draw as well as exchanging small gifts...pls dont mind my new styed hair hehhheehhe..

Since my camera is not working properly..i culdnt snap any...n yes..these photos r compliments from Funda (my sis n law)...thanks sis!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Eid Adha...2008

2008-12-10T22:47:00.036+02:00

It was while he was in a taxi with his bro Selim that day..a father..shocked to hear of his daughter's emergency operation.. praying hard for her........

*Ya Allah.. Please save my daughter. I will slaughter a sheep in place of her life*...

And so... this eid adha.. one sheep was for her...

As parents..we were not careful with the *aqiqah* of our children.. where it is in Malay.. *sunat muakkad*..where it is a advisable to slaughter a sheep (for girl) and 2 sheeps (for boy) particularly on the 7th day of the child as a form of protection for the child from the devil etc..etc... Of course.. in those days..we were not able to do so... and so last year.. we did the aqiqah for hatice and this year... one aqiqah for baddin and another one sheep for him next year....with hope that... Allah will protect them all from the stray path...

It is sort of a common thing as well for the husbands in the Zaim family to have one sheep cut for their wives for eid adha... and so..one for me...

And naturally..one for him...

I am Thankful to Allah for giving me a soulmate who is everything i have ever wished for...

Normally... a person can go and choose his own sheep to be slaughtered like what the Zaims do every year... normally... they get a few sheeps slaughtered at eid dawn... The rest of the Qurban..we normally give the money toorganizations to be distributed to the needy all over turkey as well as to other countries where famine spreads..

This eid Adha.....is a mixture of many things..of feelings and personal realizations......

It is before and during the celebration that i realise that... God! It is always great to have someone ..or should i say people who originated from the same homeland visiting us...

I was happy indeed to have the honor to be a host to this family...

who basically made eating a dangerous thing to do as you avoid urself from choking on ur food as u try to eat and not laugh at the same time!!

;Indeed...to have Arif...Kak Lil and their lovely kids around was a real pleasure indeed...If you need entertainment.. just call this family! they r sure to put a smile on your face!! What a nice family indeed....THANK YOU For coming to our humble home...May the friendship formed not be forgotten...:0)

Due to having to eat *Kavurma* (the eid adha traditional food cooked from meat etc)... cooked with meat bought from the shop... i think all of the Zaim family agree that *Kavurma* should be cooked with the fresh meat slaughtered from the animal that eid morning itself! The taste is simply like none other! İ suppose this is the *bereket* or the blessings of the whole thing... even the meat tastes good!

Kerim and Mıstık deboning the meat while Meşe.. Halil n i were cutting the meat for the kavurma..Hatice wanted to do too but we only let her cut a slice or two...

Hatice n her Meşe hala...

It is also a fun realisation that.. no matter how old u r.. be it 30 or 40...or 50? hehehe the pleasure of learning something new can be really exciting even for a proffessor!

And Yes.. we see an excited Selim helping out with the making of the Helva...we await u for meat cutting next eid adha!! Sorry Funda! Ur beloved may be late a bit for ur family eid breakfast! hehehe

It is also this Eid i see how a simple visit can mean a lot to a heart...

Just look at the old lady (Afa) chatting with Selim (my bro in law)...

She was the babysitter of all the Zaim siblings...Meşe..Selim...kerim... halim...halil...working for my beloved's grandma for years....And even until now... she n her daughter never fail to send us home made jams... home made tulum peyniri (chees made of goat).. and many more.. and at this age... to have a visit from those precious to her....was enough to put a smile on her face...

I think a visit to her place is also important for the younger generations as well...esp for my kids to see how people who r in need live (though u hve to bear in mind Afa is not poor.. she chooses to live like a oor person since she is very thrift)...small space... cold spaces (pls note we were wearing winter jackets in the house n were freezing still)... etc..etc..Yes... the terrible flu i was having intensified there n then... but it was a visit worth making...Afa was very happy indeed!

a photo with a memory...

afa with the zaim kids and a niece i think..

The last bayram... the headstone was smashed into pieces due to strong wind... and to see it full standing this bayram....

Yup... two couples...

Mehmet and Saime...

Ülya and Sabahattin...

May u rest in peace.. Al fatihah...

This 2nd day of eid was baba's first year anniversary of his demise..

I have also realised that this cat...Pakize..is here to stay..i will never let her go ever anyway...ii love her too much just like hatice..baddin n my beloved...... and here she is...

her first Eid picture as part of the family with my angels.....

And most importantly....

The new motto...

*Aynı fikirdeyiz!!*

wink wink to the Zaim Family!

hahahahahahahahaha

Here are more pictures of the eid adha this year...The good quality pics r from Funda (thanks sis!) while the not so good ones r from my camera... my beloved camera needs to see a doc soon coz the flash is not working...:0(

posing in front of our matrix

a daughter clearing off the weeds at her beloved parents' grave...

2 generations... father n son... with Sabahaddin Jr wearing the cap similar to the one Sabahattin senior used to wear...

3 cousins...

ilayda, zeynep,hatice

The Zaim kids

A family photo..without pakize..Pakize was playing hide n seek at that time...

The Zaim family 2008

Mahture Yenge as the head in the Helva making...

Mıstık pouring the hot milk into the helva..

Afife teyze cooking the rice...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

I still run to you...

2008-12-01T09:09:00.012+02:00

When i asked the kids....

*do u wanna pick your baba up from the airport??*

Both excitedly screamed

*Yes!*

When i asked *car* or ferry?*.. naturally they said the easy transportation of the two... *car!* hahaha brilliant kids....

But the thing is... i had never driven a car to the other side of the bridge at all!! Not that i know of the roads anyway..... Meşe and my beloved suggested that i go thru the second bridge to the other side of the bridge... theyy said.. go straight and straight and straight until u see the sign board saying to turn right for the airport...

Not that i know which way to the 2nd bridge eh? I have always got mixed up between the two. and Yup!.. i went to the road to the first bridge instead!! The traffic was terrible then....and Yup.. straight i went.... until.....*USKUDAR???* wasnt i supposed to reach the bridge yet? Uskudar is definitely still in asia!! huwaaaaaaaaaaa....i got lost!! (of course nobody told me to go straight only after i have reached the çevreyolu.. i went straight from ankara asfalt! hahahahaha... Never drove to uskudar before...i drove and drove....trying my luck....had a splitting headache..though bravely driving ... hey!i had 2 kids in tow, man!...and i saw a familiar place... *capitol shopping mall!!*...

From there..i drove to polis hastanesi .. and asked the taxi driver there... i asked them to tell me the way home... and at the back hatice dissapointedly said....*we r going home?? i thought we would pick baba up??*...they told me the instructions to the way home but i got sooooooooooooo confused (and tired and my head felt like it would burst) that i paid the taxi driver 15ytl to show me the way home heheheheheh... a quater way... the taxi guy stopped next to the road.. and told me that he talked with his friend and the friend told him that the way to the airport was traffic free... i didnt wanna break the kids' heart and so... i thanked the taxi driver and we parted way.... me still very confused of the way....and guess what?? it was 4.35pm!! and my beloved was to land by 4.45pm!!!! .. and we... we were still in Asia instead of Europe!! hahahaha How do u reach europe in 10 mins time?? ridiculous eh??

But we went on.. yup.. it was starting to get dark... i was driving around 80-100km/h...there was this big truck driver who thought i was going slow and kept blinking the blink light at me...arghhhhhh how irritating!! but i kept my cool... i didnt wanna swear.. and so..i kept the ilahi songs on all the way to the airport...... and finally.. at 5.20pm...with my beloved having to wait around half an hour... my kids... my beloved and i were reunited...... and it seems that he had his own adventure of his own during the flight.... it was a terrible flight due to the strong wind.. and Alhamdulillah.. i am thankful to Allah for not letting the plane crash or something...i have missed him so much!! See how crazy love is? See what it made me do? Interesting indeed! hahaha

My beloved... before going to Bosnia last Friday...

Isnt he sweet?

You should have seen his innocent smile face.. hearts can melt! hehehehe

So that was my first real adventure trying to drive a car to Europe....i took 3 hours last night to reach the airport...and by the time we reached home...well...we were sooo glad to be home....really really glad...

The good thing is..... well... now i know the way to uskudar (hehehe).. now i know how to go to capitol from uskudar way... now i know the short cut way home from capitol... and most importantly... i reached the airport in a totally most adventurous way!!!!! hahahah ....

Baddin with his tombala (Thursday)... ie..dictation box...
Hatice with splitting headache.. hair all uncombed...learning how to read the time with this aid which i bought sooo many years ago....

The Eid Adha is coming soon... busy days ahead...i will be rushing here and there as usual.. God! i wish i can just sleep and sleep..but i cant.. i am soo exhausted..
We will also be expecting a family visiting us for dinner at 7pm on the 7th Dec...i am really looking forward to get to know the whole family.. (ps.. keluarga u all takut kuching tak?)....
Till eid day with eid photos of the Zaim family...

From
Halil, Nur Hatice, Sabahaddin and Simah
of the Zaim family....
we wish u all...
a very very blessed... Eid adha
İyi Bayramlar...
Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha...
Maaf Zahir dan Batin...

It will also be Baba's first year Anniversary of his demise this 2nd raya...
Time flies very fast, eh?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

The Second Generation...

2008-11-22T23:26:00.014+02:00

Firstly... forgive me for the low quality snaps... i really dunno what happened....i have to make it into serpia type for better quality view..

It started with just zeynep accepting hatice's invitation to see her kitten at our humble home Saturday night...

Hatice happily showing zeynep pakize while baddin watching and trying to speak too..
Then.. hatice called her cousins next door... keremcan came at first...

Then his lil bros..the twins joined in... baddin showing the twins pakize's sleeping place at the balcony (from afar)

Pakize ...the main attention in the crowd... while hatice proudly telling her cousins about pakize while baddin tried to chip in...

the big nebuliser aka air humidifier always on while the kids were at our place..

Pakize still the center of attention...

posing for the camera... baddin not quite visible due to sudden movement (gee.. i need a new camera!)

posing n trying to hold pakize all at one heheheheh

The reality is... not everybody love a feline...One cannot force the love...it is either u like it or you dont..those who love it will have to get used to those who dont..and those who dont will have to get used to those who do... that is life... we have to accept each other no matter how hard......despite our differences in our likes and dislikes.....

In the Zaim family... the first generation is not into a feline definitely... but despite their dislike...i am so grateful for their permission to allow the next generation to visit our place so that they can play with this feline named Pakize.. and at the same time making hatice and baddin the happiest kids on earth last night....

THANK YOU...

:0)

I am sure there is a reason why cats are one of our Prophet Muhammed's favourite animals...reasons we perhaps cannot see... all i know is that... Pakize has made Hatice.. Baddin n my beloved happy...i cant imagine living without this lil kitten from now on...even when pakize refused to look at me...angry at me for giving her a bath that night heheheheeh

Kengkawan... maaf tak sempat blog hop lagi...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

His Happy Day...

2008-11-18T11:31:00.005+02:00

Behind every successful man there will always be a woman..i am sure that i am that woman.... *perasan* hehehehehe

It was his happy day yesterday.......A one step further to any academician's dream... Right now he is an assistant professor... After months of waiting after submitting the application... the first phase result is here...; After looking at his published articles and journals (local and international)and book ........looking at the points he earned.... he has strong points anyway....the juries decided that yes... he can go to the next level of the phase! Alhamdulillah....InsyaAllah they will give him a date (most probably in a month or two) and he will be in an oral exam in front of all the 5 juries....and if he succeed that oral test and the juries find him satisfactory...... he will be awarded the tittle...*associate professor*...in which after a few years will entitle him to a professorship....Yes...a professor.. just like his baba... and presently like his eldest brother...selim... My prayers and support will always be with u tem!! Pls ... pray for him too...

Yes... the zaims are academicians... almost all the siblings are academician... and they love this profession... my beloved for example... can't see him doing any other profession than this one.. the love is ingrained in him so deeply... he just simply love this noble job...

How is our pakize? (pls see the previous entry)... today, i have added another set of fleas drops... the fleas on her fur are basically gone.. but i just wanna make sure 100%.. hence.. this drop...insyaAllah n 2 days' time... i can be very very certain that she is fleas free and i will give her another bath...

She is recovering well indeed... hatice, baddin and my beloved are totally in love with her...when i was not at home last nite (lecture)... my beloved even let her roamed around the apt for a while... pakize seems to be finding her own footing as well... just now.. baddin was hugging her and showing her the rooms in this place...hehehe they (including myself) are treating her like our new baby!! hahahahha... i can feel the love totally... it is in the air indeed... and yes.... the rule of washing the hands after holding pakize is strongly applied in this home from now on.....home cleaning is also intensified....

i am so glad that i gave them the green light...yes adik arsaili... it is wonderful how a simply small furry lil thing can teach us

love....

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Pakizem

2008-11-17T10:21:00.015+02:00

It was such a beautiful sight. 2 continents...asia and europe...... and a big rainbow crossing over them... i wish you could have seen it... the rainbow was big and gorgeous...it was as if saying... yes... rain may drizzle...but it ends up with a lil sunshine of 7 colors!... i wanted to snap a pic naturally..Alas! i was stuck sitting in between 2 guys that to snap pictures was impossible totally!!

It was Saturday...my beloved had a meeting in the morning in europe and later lectures at 5pn... i had to attend the parents-teacher meeting as well as the handout of the mid term report cards (will update the report cards later in their own personal blogs)...as usual.. we had a family date where we usually eat dinner together somewhere after his lecture...but it was not logical to bring the kids along with me to school and so..... my beloved brought the kids to the meeting and they sat quietly next to him in the meeting room...

When i finally reached Füsem...when i entered my beloved's room... i sensed this certain akwardness.... the kids were quiet... my beloved a bit weird...it was then i noticed something sitting on hatice's tummy...a furry lil thing...hatice's faced scared..not of that furry thing... but of me......it was a kitten.. a dirty furry kitten curled comfortably......it was then that i was informed that that hatice n baddin had claimed it as our own... a street kitten..to be our own...

Cats have been in my life for as long as i can remember... ı even have a long scar for show as proof how cats played an important place in my life..my family in malaysia cannot survive without cats.....i have always wanted a cat of my own.. but living in istanbul..in a small apartment with two kids highly allergic to things...it was simply not the wisest choice to do... how do we look after a cat in such condition??

But Malaysia proved that my kids can take cats... i mean they practically played with the cats 24/7..and the cats even come to our bed etc..etc! Still... despite their plead...i refused their pleas for a cat...still thinking it not the wisest thing to do due to space limit and huge responsibilities... besides... almost none of the zaim family are into cats..with high allergy level in all the zaim kids... i am almost confident that no one will come to our place unless it is necessarily unavoidable...i didnt want hatice esp to be sad (i know i will) that because of a cat.. her cousins do not come to our home...it is possible....

But it was fate i think... Allah has granted us with this lil kitten.... it was a kitten that as my beloved and the kids were walking in eyup that saturday..after the meeting.. that they saw this one very thin kitten on the street... sweet and weak..and alone...hatice wanted to pat the kitten... since it was sitting in front of a zabita building... my beloved asked the police there whether she could pat the cat.... the guy there said...

*If you like the cat... take it home... her mother is dead.. she is not eating as well*...

as hatice tried to take the kitten onto her lap.. it scratched her neck...my beloved seeing this... took it to a vet to check whether it has any contagious disease or not... and as the vet pronounced the kitten healthy....she begged my beloved to keep the kitten... after fleas medicine was rubbed onto the kitten n necessary injection was made.... they brought the kitten to füsem.... waiting for me to come to get a green light....

Hatice actually cried because she thought that i would not let her keep the kitten... she knew that the final say was with me... if i had said no... that was it....no kitten...

But how can u say no to a motherless kitten? how do u say no to ur child when it is the one thing that she has been dreaming of esp after Malaysia? How do u say no and still have the conscience to live peacefully knowing that if you do not take the cat under ur wing..and ur home... that kitten will probably die soon.. and since winter is approaching fast... a clueless 2 months old kitten who still needs her mother's protection will not last long? My only thought over this matter is.... i see it as Allah had sent this kitten to us... Allah had planned it in such a way that keeping it in our home will be a blessing for us...insyaAllah..

U should have seen their faces when i said yes... you should have seen how many times she kissed and hugged me that day for allowing her to keep the kitten...You should have seen how complete her happiness was.... and baddin... though he is unable to show his total affection like hatice does... he is no less happy...

Upon the green light..i immediately went to find a pet shop and straight away bought all the necessary gadgets to keep a cat...Once home...i washed her fur with a shampoo... u should have seen the black coloured water coming out of her! It was very dirty!! After dry blowing the cat....it finally looked clean again...the fur with a certain shine... it is starting to drink milk and eat properly again....For now..it lives in a cage until i get to potty train her properly... i think it is important since that will ensure that the kitten will only do her toilet at one place only...the provided place...i am not letting the kids touch her too much until i am sure that she is fleas free...even with the occasional *u can touch the kitten*... they r very happy... even my beloved...

One thing i noticed is that she is an intelligent cat... unfortunately.. having lost a mother at a very young age.. she is clueless on what to do... when i talk to her .. she will definitely answer back... of course.. what she said is totally a different matter... i think she understands me but i have no idea what she is talking about! hahahahaha..i remember yesterday when i told her to do her toilet at the white sand i provided .. she looked at the sand and meowed me.. when i told her to drink her milk.. she meowed and dranked just that... but it is obvious how she seeks her mother's love.... she kept nudging us for love n comfort...etc..etc... i think she is getting used to us as us she...in time... she will be allowed to roam inside the house...that is until i say so....the boss :0)

And yes.... we have a cat now...please.... meet Pakize... the latest addition to our family...

P.s... for my next mumbling in Today's Zaman (a local english newspaper) on money and spending... pls hop to...

http://www.mytzarticles.blogspot.com/

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Thoughts of a wandering mind...

2008-11-13T12:51:00.009+02:00

There i was trying to evaluate my beloved's English level and had asked him to tell him a bit about himself....

Halil: I was working at the İstanbul University for 9 years. Later, i started working at Fatih University.

Simah: Why did you change your job place?

Halil: Well, you see, i have a wife who likes to spend and spend my money. My salary was not enough. So i had to start working in a private sector so that i can earn more money.

Simah: Is that money enough for your wife to spend?

Halil: Well, enough to keep her quiet!!

hahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha... naughty naughty tem!!! Yup... from this it can be concluded that his English is well enough! hahahaha

Oh yeah..it was with that money he earned that i ordered *Heidi* from amazon.com. It reached our place more than a week ago. It was nearing their bedtime. But the kids begged me to let them watch it a bit. They won...There they were..both.. awed by the magnificent view of the mountain in the film... saddened by the emotional side of the story... tears rolling down their cheeks (a perfect movie for meşe to watch hehehehe)... and loving every minute of it... They begged me to keep on watching the movie... naturally, i said no as the movie's length is 3 hours!

But that morning... while eating their breakfast, instead of their usual CBBC channel.. i turned on the movie from where we stopped the nite before.... and when it was time to go to school (tears still rolling their eyes while they ate breakfast).... still wanting to watch the movie..and while waiting for their cousin keremcan to come out of his home... they both....

watched the movie from the door!! hahahahaahahahahahaha

Yes..i may be a money spender..I can say that in this case.. it was money well spent indeed!! hahahahahahaha

How r the kids? Well.. they are ok i suppose... living their lives as best as they could...

Last monday, for the first time i drove to the lecture on my own. My beloved decided to babysit the kids instead since the last 3 mondays... we had seen a certain emotional trauma in the kids coz both my beloved and i were not around. I was scared to the bone that monday... if you could have seen the way to that place...scary indeed... anyway.. my beloved and the kids enjoyed themselves tremendously (i told their teachers not to expect the kids to do their homework every mondays)...yes.. freedom from the stern anne for one nite...relaxed baba taking over...so from now on... it is simply their baba and hatice and baddin alone spending quality time together.....hmmm...now i am jelous!!

hatice n baddin concentrating on their homework...

The weather is colder nowadays... the prawn season is here for a while ..and i.. being the only eater of this insect of the sea...this is basically my most basic simple menu esp every thursdays......

yup... speghetti with loads of chilli n salad to accompany the dish...i mss eating crabs.. i wish they have crabs in turkey...well..i guess i will have to wait for another malaysia trip eh?

The thing is... recently.. i keep on thinking...

All these while... i am plagued with a weight problem...though i do not feel inferior anymore despite my weight... i do wish to tone down a bit for health sake. Remember my weight challenge last year? where i walked every weekday mornings to Çamlık Park? It went so well that i was 62kg from my 69kg... Then baba got sick and died... stress and depression made me eat again... and with that...the addition of more kilos..and Malaysia trip was.... well... nobody expected me to try to lose weight there, eh??

After Malaysia... i tried again to lose weight....I bought myself Mr. Hunter...to celebrate how i managed to survive this interesting marriage with flying colours...

Yup... i started to lose weight again slowly as i cycled from bostancı - fenerbahce -bostanci...i was starting to be fit again...Yet..i was tested once more...my haticem got sick and had to be admitted into an emergency surgery... again..stress and depression made me eat more and more...Along the weight i gained... subconsciously i was blaming fate for the extra meat... i was beginning to think that Allah does not want me to lose weight... i was starting to think that..well.. maybe i am better being fat as i am....

But wait! That is what the syaitan (devil) wants me to think. This is not the truth.... All the good things are from Allah and the lacking of things are from us human ourselves. It is wrong to blame fate... definitely it is wrong to blame Allah...May Allah forgive me...I think it is always a part of human nature to want to blame something or someone else when something bad happens eh?

The thing is... if there is the will then there will always be the way... I grumbled that because hatice was staying at home i couldnt cycle my Mr. Hunter.. but the truth is... i also have an indoor bike.. it is definitely not as interesting as Mr. Hunter...... definitely not with a great view as the great breeze welcoming me...as if carressing me like a lover.... the waves slowly dashing itself to shore as if wanting to hug me.... or that smile from fellow cyclists.....no... the indoor cycle will never be able to compare... but that is also a tool to get fit.. and to grumble and be unthankful.. that is not the way to go.. no..no ma'am.. that is not the way to go about it...There is no use to complain as well that i can cycle the maximum of only 2 mornings a week...I should be thankful for that chance... and now... whenever i do cycle... it is now ..a walk to baba (20 mins)... cycling to sahilyolu-bostancı-fenerbahce-bostancı- fenerbahçe. (24 km cycling)... another walk to my place (20 mins).. and since i normally walk along bağdat caddesi as well.. (1 hour) on days i get to cycle... even that 2 days.. i should be thankful... well.. the ndoor cycling.. i do get bored far too easily cycling it.. even if i do cycle half an hour...it is still something... dont u think??

So all in all...*simah...stop complaining!!!* hahahahaha

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

I need you baby....

2008-10-30T09:38:00.022+02:00

The girl who gave us all a scare a few weeks ago...

Alhamdulillah.. she is recovering well...

The lil brother who is happy to see his sister well..

An outing day at one of my fav spots...
Gosh! they look so grown up!!

At the playground near Füsem...

No running.. no jumping.. and so the girl sat there and played with the swing :0)

in their baba's room at Füsem..

Still posing heheheh

Thier baba's first entry into the underground train from gayrettepe to metrocity for dinner...baddin was showing my beloved the way hehehe

This bird's chilli...dont be fooled by the small size... this veryhot to the tastebud plant is actually more than one year old and has given me non stop supply of hot chillies...

I am guessing these r jalapeno chillies...

we bought the plant yesterday coz hatice loved the sight of it...since it is hot..anne dearest will eat those yummy chillies! hehehe close up n personal

plants in my home...not bad eh esp for a plant killer like me!! heheheheeh

I have never seen a more confusing road in my life! and to drive in the dark? With my terrible eyesight? go left...turn right...left...right...right...courageous i am and yet..for the first time this time..i drove there with my beloved next to me......while funda looked after the kids for hours (thanks sis!)...i am still personally shaken up over this whole experience... it made me think..*teaching is sooo much more easier than to drive to the place i am to teach..and the road going home?? Another..left...right...left right!! hahahaha"

YES TEM... I NEED YOU STİLL MY BELOVED... PLEASEEEEEEEE (just next week..the last time????...hmmm... i can hear him say NO hahahha)

Yes.. i have been missing for quite some time now... even my mom just scolded me for not calling home for a long time..actually i called every week...only she was not there to answer the phone..it was basically my lil bro there...

(Yes... i suppose she still needs to hear her 3rd baby's voice every week)

Anyway... do you have something that whenever you r feeling sad...looking at it...without fail.. will make u feel better again?

Yes... i do have one of those..something by the name...

*THE SOUNDS OF MUSİC*

a classical movie with julie andrew in it...What a beautiful mountain scenery eh? What beautiful music...what wonderful children...what a handsome looking captain..such a beautiful love story...

Of course... when i saw hatice was in love with Marry Poppins...i knew she is just like me....i waited a year or two for her baddin to grow up a bit... and tra la la... !! i made them watch the movie (had to skip a few parts of course) and YES! They are in love with it! Who wouldnt eh? the music in the movie is wonderful! I dont dare to make her watch my fair lady yet..but i have ordered heidi dvd from amazon a week ago..it is on itz way... of course there r a lot of other more stories i would love them to watch...like the black beauty...the secret garden...anne of green gables......one step at a time eh?.. Next to the famous movies of the turkish actor character *şaaban* or *battal gazi*...i want them to be open to other famous classics as well... what about our P. Ramblee?? i am just thinking... will the language barrier be a problem for them to understand the beauty of his films?? What do u think??

Alhamdulillah blogger.com is unbanned for now.. turks can enter it ...but if truth is to be told... i havent got enough time to blog much..i feel very guilty when i update my own blog and cant blog hop the rest of my friend's blogs...

one step at a time i guess... one step at a time....

and our prayers are for Kak Roza forDr. Azmi's medical condition...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

I am back!!

2008-10-27T09:18:00.005+02:00

Alhamdulillah..YES!

A good friend of mine.. at least a friend whom appeared into my dewy rabun sights right before i was to go back to malaysia this summer and *ordered* boncuk from turkey..whom i find really sweet n nice (the best supplier of blueberry bahulu while i was in malaysia.. my penang family could gobbled 5 kotak bahulu in half an hour! hahahaha!!) ..whom had seen me up close and personal (even in my muka mengantuk tak gosok gigi hahaha...whom upon seeing my last entry and of the ban of blogspot in turkey sms-ed me...(tu mesti sebab dia rindu nak baca cerita budak budak tu.. i mean she adores my kids loads!) giving a link to an upload so that i can auta my way around the net and enter the sites being banned in turkey (email me if u wanna know)...and YEs..Alhamdulillah..i am here!!!

A busy day today (i also have a lecture to attend tonite remember??)...will start my mumbling again very very soon.. perhaps tonite my time...

Gosh!! it feels good to be back among my lovely friends in the blogland...

And yes... u have to endure this mumbler who stumbles on her words again! (and u thought that...phew! finally she is gone?? hehehe)

love u loads mah!!! memang tak menyesal aku beli kat hang boncuk! hehehe...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

2008-10-25T18:43:00.000+03:00

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

When i wanted to access my blogspot blog today...i was confronted with a blank white page with a few lines written in turkish and in english in red....

*Bu siteye erişim mahkeme kararıyla engellenmiştir.

T.C. Diyarbakır 1. Sulh Ceza Mahkemesi 20.10.2008 tarih ve 2008/2761 sayılı kararı gereği bu siteye erişim engellenmiştir.

Access to this web site has been suspended in accordance with decision no: 2008/2761 of T.R. Diyarbakır 1st Criminal Court of Peace.*

A few months ago..the turkish court suspended slide.com but after a few months, it was unsuspended.

Later... the next victim became *Youtube* and *imeem*..

These sites have not been unsuspended yet...

Today..it is *blogspot*'s turn...

together with all my blogs and my mumblings to release my stress...

For that.. until this site is unsuspended.. i will have no access to my blogs...i am asking a dear beloved brother who is resding NOT in Turkey to cut and paste this message...

hope we will still keep in touch via sms...

this is my email addy...

refcobass@rocketmail.com

Will miss my blogspot blog hopping loads! Hope to see you one day again in this blogland...

Wassalam...*

*Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May but thy eternal summer shall not fade* -Shakespeare Sonnet 18-

www.refcobass1.blogspot.com

Do things fall apart..???

2008-10-21T22:15:00.009+03:00

The first thing i did during that first break was to call them....Hatice answered...crying...

Hatice: *Anne...çabuk gel!!* (Anne come home quick)

Behind her another voice sobbing......

Baddin: *Anne.. ben ödeve anlamiyorum. Yapamiyorum....* (Anne..i dont understand the homework..i cant do it...)

Hatice crying coz baddin wouldnt do his homework.. and baddin crying because he thought that he couldnt do the homework..... When i told her to abandon ship...to tell baddin to stop doing his homework... she started to sound a bit calmer again....

Life was simply complicated for them at that period of time.......even with mıstık around....

By the time i reached home... he was already asleep..she was waiting for us....she said...

*Anne... r u going every week like this? Cant u not go???*

How do u answer to that ???...this is also a commitment that i cannot abandon simply just like that.....

Today he came home from school crying... simply finding an excuse to cry over something... feeding him dinner was also difficult... and did i tell you that we spent 5 pages of homework from 5pm till 8 pm????... with him crying almost 85 % of the time??? And i knowing the real reason behind his tears and grumpinesss at one point still lost all patience for 5 minutes??

My kids fell apart simply because i wasnt there for them for one night last night coz i had a lecture to give.... .. I just simply dont know how kids with working mothers adapt to their mothers' absence... but then i suppose..kids get used to that if they have to, eh??

And yes... my new adventure in this land has just begun... It is a Business English program where reading is what i will teach ....The best part of all, they r all adults... older than i am... and how many are there in a class? ....well..at least for my class (pre intermediate) Just 4!! Cool eh? All of them are directing managers of the finance house...

How did i do?? Did i stumble on my words...?? Was i nervous?? Well.. i think u have to ask the students how i was...but i think i had put a confident front... Just imagine..a foreigner...a Malay instructor wearing a malay traditional dress (baju kurung) to class...with a smile on her face...i have to say...it was an easy going class coz they are gentleman adults...with loads of life experience...they have things to say.. they have opinions and suggestions and what not to share from the reading......and i..as their instructor..while teaching them could interact with them in ways we cant with kids...i truly thoroughly enjoyed the lesson and am sooo glad that my beloved had suggested that i started teaching again.....i may not be an excellent instructor (yet...insyaAllah i will once i brush up my skills (perasan la ni hehehe))...but i think i didnt do so bad...

It is cool really coz u see... for breaks... hot beverages and snacks are provided till the end of the lessons in one hall....totally needed of course esp since the lesson starts from 6pm till 9 pm! so even if i go there empty stomach..i wont need to starve during the breaks....

Of course for the first lesson, my beloved waited for me from the beginning till the end... but the thing is... by the 3rd week of lesson...i will have to drive there myself..n the road to that place is simply confusing!! we even got lost (my beloved driving) on our way back home.. we took almost 45 mins to reach home!!! ..and going to that place by the mini bus is totally out of the question...Help!

And yes.. my darling princess is on her way to recovery..Alhamdulillah...
My son needs extra attention and love and hug ....
My beloved is still my beloved (marriage kills love)hehehehe
and i... am filling up that certain void in my life that has been absence fr 9 years.....
Yes! i can do this! insyaAllah....

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Her Health; Challenged.

2008-10-18T18:41:00.004+03:00

Thank You for your support and words of encouragement for my new intake in life... i am sorry for i cant reply the comments one by one (for now)...Wish me luck please for this new one adventure in my life will start this monday nite...

It has been a long week this week...One i will gladly not repeat...

There is nothing worse for a mom to see your child squirming. tossing and turning in intense pain for days….unable to sit or lie down…tired from exhaustion coz any food or drinks that entered the body would be out again in a second ...in a pool of vomit…wanting to sleep but couldnt…literally screaming out her pain…yet..no medicine….nor emadur nor painkillers seem to any take effect…only to discover the truth…

And to see your child being wheeled off into an emergency operating theatre…at the same hospital where the grandpa was…thinking that…

*will this hospital entry end up in another death??*...

Indeed...In Allah we trust…in Allah seek the comfort we need……

For the details n pictures...please hopp to...

http://www.haticeveokul.blogspot.com/

I may stay low for a while...blog hopping will be a luxury for me for now as my daughter needs my attention... i can only update for now... sorry yek...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

A twist of turn..HELP!

2008-10-06T19:49:00.009+03:00

It is just like any other day... the final day of holiday in fact...My beloved planned to go to FÜSEM (where he is assigned as a director there by the university..)... the kids n i decided to tag along... not to his work place of course..but to Kanyon..a shopping complex nearby where there r 2 major bookstores with loads of recent varieties of english novels (trust me.. u cant find english novels varieties much here)...in my mind... i wanted to sink myself in the pleasure of choosing the books i wanna buy...with the kids choosing their own... but before that... we stopped at FÜSEM first n had lunch as a family...

It was before we had our lunch when i was approached by one of the FÜSEM staffs to ask whether i wanted give an english lecture or two for one of the english programmes that they offer..this one is for the staffs of a local bank... halil once approached me with the same proposal n i flatly said *no* to him...i was simply happy to be the lazy housewife... n a mother of two...

Today however...i dunno what got into me...maybe i was in a good mood.. happy to be with my beloved n the kids...i said *yes*... n after i finished the shoppng of books at kanyon... i had a chat with the coordinator of the english department again...it was to be business english or something... reading n listening n speaking or something (3 divisions)..... lectures to be 3 hours per lecture n at nite...The guy wanted me to give 2 lectures.. which means 2 nites... but i refused coz i wont be around for the kids for 2 nites then... that would be unthinkable!! n who will look after them??? my beloved can only spare a nite only... he is after all a very busy busy guy......

But as i was on my way home today...as i was sitting in the car...i was in shock...

*what have i done??*

agreeing to give 3 hours lecture at nite??? I mean... how long ago have i left this field?? I am practically rusty!! to be teaching reading... listening n speaking??? these r adults...those in the finance field...they r not high school kids where u can *auta* whenever u feel like it...will i be able to manage it?? will i mess this up??i am not sure i can do this... i dont wanna shame my beloved... i dont want his staff to say..*ahhh halilz hoca's wife is a terrible teacher!!*

I am sure u will say or think... (esp my tesl friends)...

*awwwwwwww come on simah!! grow up!!!this is only 3 hours lecture per week!! u will be teaching adults and look at us!!!... having to teach high school kids for sooo many hours with sooo much stress... urs will be peanuts!shame on u for acting like this!!*...

sigh...i know...i know... but i am really scared... it is not the matter of money... the money is simply peanut esp since it will be 3 hours per week only.. why work when i can spend all my belovedz salary which comes every month......but i think...my beloved had arranged this so that his beloved wife will be getting lively again.. to have something to do ...to have something to think about...doing something she was trained to do...something which she love......to get back into the jest of life...

He said i have his fullest confidence..but i am simply scared... i am sooooooooooooooooo rusty.... but then..maybe this is just what i need to liven up my dying spirit...??? i dunno...

Maybe this is just like driving.. i was sooo scared driving in istanbul..of the narrow streets..of the vehicles which never stop honking... rule breakers of the traffic... but now... i am no longer what i was... i have outgrown my fears... even my beloved had complimented my driving when i drove to umraniye carrefour on that eve of my birthday....i guess the same thing is with teaching... once i am into the heat of things... i suppose i will be ok... pls..pray for me??

anyway.. why am i making a mountain out of a mole hill eh? maybe because this is something new? maybe because this will be the beginning of a change?? perhaps my inner self??am i revolving????

i am cycling my mountainbike... i am driving our matrix... n now a bit of teaching?? So many things r happening post Malaysia... i dunno if they r good or bad... All i can say is...*hayırlı olsun*... (InsyaAllah they happen for te best).....at least this one...i wont need to open my headscarf to teach...coz the students r not liberal students n the lecture will be done at their workplace... so the headcover ban does not apply here...so for this semester at least... i guess i will teach... scared? u bet! will i brave it thru successfully? insyaAllah..i need all the doa i can get... esp for a rusty girl like me!!!

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Bayram- ikinci gunu...

2008-10-01T21:33:00.011+03:00

It was totally Malay dress on the first day of Bayram...with us united in gold in baju kurung and baju melayu (see previous entry)...

Today... except for hatice who is still in her baju kurung (she adores wearing baju kurung..)... we have gone western!

Here we r... :0)

Nasib baik hatice tak jatuh.. kain panjang sangat heheheh

they look cute in the pic though..
my lil princess...in her baju kurung bought in malaysia...

my lil prince...a close up... "lepakking" at baba's place for a while...

baba ve oğlu..

yup..i think i have to agree with the relatives... baddin does follow his baba's side...

baba ve kızı

i think he feels lost without his lil princess..

his nightmarish wife hehehehehe

i demanded dunkin donuts today at 8pm after we finished visiting relatives...

he had no choice but to try to please his spoilt wife! hahahah

We only celebrate bayram for 3 days in turkey... unlike those in Malaysia (approx 30 days)...tomorrow will be the last day....

where will we go? what will we wear? hmmm... i guess u will have to wait n see then :0)

I hope the weather will be sunny tomorrow.. there is one place we all long to visit so much... we miss that place a lot..will tell u all about it tomorrow...

p.s... abiiiiiiiiiii simah call pukul 2.30 pagi waktu mesia.. takkan dah tidoq kot???? tak main playstation ka malam ni?? awat? tomyam koey teow tutup kaaaaa???

I hope those celebrating bayram today in Malaysia have had loads f ketupat... rendang...etc..etc... i sure will grab one if i can!!! (only itz NOT in my case... heheh).. fear not.. i do have plan to bring the kids one day to malaysia for bayram insyaAllah..... i only need to wait for bayram to come during their summer holiday...insyaAllah..one day they will see what bayram is at the other side of their heritage... :0)

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Bayram -İlk Gunu

2008-09-30T21:20:00.024+03:00

Everytime we entered an apartment... the moment they saw him... their first impression was a mixture of suprise...weirdness and laughter....

He was not offended...

His answer was always...

*we come here as a team to entertain u*

Yup... My beloved, the kids and i were in a unision of the gold malay traditional costume for our first bayram day (raya)..

Yup... especially for a man to wear our malay costume walking around visiting his aunties.. yup.. he sure attracted loads of attention and teasing...

and yes... he was quite ok visiting his closest teyzes n yengez (aunties) in it...but he confessed to feeling shy if he needed to walk everywhere in it to other people's place not so close in relation...

He was saved of it after all as baddin got really sick even by noon and we had to stop visiting people by 6pm....

How is Bayram in Turkey? It is simple really... You dont need to cook loads of dishes really... all you need is a type of dessert like baklava and a type of salty food...like börek.. and tea of course... and chocolate n sweets..thatz all... so simple eh?

Of course... being a malaysian at heart..i still crave for those simply delicious delicacies of what i was used to... having ur siblings tease u about the food didnt help either... but this is also my home and i am used to it...

What did i cook? well.. basically.. i didnt cook anything!! hahahaha i sooo wanted something malaysian...so i cooked for myself... kuih sago... a sweet type of malaysian dessert..for the guests? well..i cooked nothing!

I woke up at 7am only to tidy and clean the house..by 12.30 noon.. we went to baba'z place for the family lunch... the typical rice eaten with chick peas cooked with meat...

It was the traditional visiting Afife teyze... later.. lutfiye teyze and lastly muyessa yenge... we would have continued our visiting to a few more doors but baddin who had been vomitting since noon was developing fever n what not. Hatice was not doing so great either.... so we decided to stop any visiting to let the kids rest so that we could continue our bayram the next day... my beloved is determined to visit relatives this bayram...esp after the death of his dad.....

The roads r quite empty in istanbul..many many istanbulites have deserted their forte and go somewhere for the 10 days holiday... halimlar dissapeared ages ago to sivas... tonite kerim will too... and tomorrow...selimlar will follow suit...

and THANK YOU kak Natrah for the call on the eve of raya! it was indeed a very nice suprise!! sorry we couldnt return the hospitality!

I'll let the pics show u how *weird* we look in the eyes of the istanbulites not used to our traditional dress...

A young lady indeed...

she is posing in her malay traditional costume (baju kurung)

with the shawl over her head...

Yes? Yup.. pls take ur cue number please heheheeh (just kidding)

Allah nazar saklasın..

a young man in malay traditional costume (baju melayu) ready to fight hehehehe

2 siblings wearing the costumes bought all the way from malaysia...

MasyaAllah..i think they look so cute..i simply love this pose..
A family in united gold color...
"boria" i tell u!!
This is a pose u will see once in at least 10 years!! or perhaps once in forever!

coat over the malay traditional costume... cold babe!

at baba with their fav Meşe hala..
3 siblings..

the kids....

elo, zeynep, merve,hatce,badin n minik mustafa in front

(poor lighting)

safa explaining something to selim.

merve n funda

merve as usual.. in style

reading the Yasin as a present for the beloved late mom n dad

Ramazan Bayram 2008 with halimlar and family missing in action...(they r in sivas)

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

Links and wishes

2008-09-20T23:26:00.003+03:00

I cant believe it. İt was that long since i got my article published... the last one was 8th of April. and imagine...it is already september!! Well.. of course i didnt write during summer... thatz 3 months out...anyway... if u wanna read my mumbling about

Iskender is the kebab i seek

and

Ramazan in İstanbul...

feel free to hop to...

http://www.mytzarticles.blogspot.com

for the full text n link of the articles...i have almost forgotten about the iskender article coz i wrote it wayyyyy back in february.i thought they had trashed it up...Anyway... they printed both articles this week...one on thursday n one on saturday (today) much to my suprise..

Franky speaking, eversince baba died... i really dont feel like mumbling in today's Zaman (local english newspaper). i started writing then coz i wanted to cheer baba's up.. anyway... my beloved kept bugging me to mumble...so occasionally i guess i will write a piece or two.....

Next week will be truly hectic.......and i am planning to concentrate on the kids' blogs since i have a lot of things i need to update......i have also added in pictures of our stay in Malaysia in both hatice and baddinz blogs..each blog concentrating on the owner... u may wanna go n take a peep....

This eid mubarak... there will be a week of school holiday. i suppose many istanbulites will disappear to holiday destinations... my beloved contrastively have decided to stay here since this will be the first time after we got married that we will be able to visit relatives properly. Previously, we always sit house at baba's place entertaining the non stop guests who used to come and visit baba for the first 2 days of bayram(eid).....This year...no more...it will definitely a bit empty without our annual activity..still..we have to move forward eh?

I will start updating this blog on the bayram (eid) day itself......

From Simah, Halil, Hatice and Baddin...

SELAMAT MENYAMBUT HARİ RAYA AİDİL FİTRİ....

MAAF ZAHİR DAN BATİN....

RAMAZAN BAYRAM MUBAREK OLSUN...

HAPPY EİD CELEBRATİON

to all the muslims all over the world...

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)

all about school..

2008-09-18T08:45:00.010+03:00

Yup.. itz confirmed... Yup...i cant deny it..

..i am sad (not really) to announce that my turkish level is only up to grade one ! hahahahaaha coz u see... i cant help hatice with her turkish lessons anymore.... she is learning a more advanced vocabulary level than what i have in my brain... esp when looking for synonyms...opposites...etc..etc..so yesterday when i saw her class teacher, nuray hanım... and told her the same thing... her bit her lips and exclaimed *eyvah!!!* hahahaha... sorry kiddo.. u will have to depend on ur teachers from now on... ur mom is a hopeless case... as usual...

I also went to school that day. It was a short teneffus (break). I quickly kissed hatice in her class...as usual... while the rest of her friends were watching....one suddenly asked...

*siz niye geldiniz?* (why did u come?)

i answered briefly...

*hatice öpmek için* (to kiss hatice)

and i immediately kissed the cheeks of the girl who asked the question... while i blew kisses in the wind to the rest of the class...

you see...the girls esp love to be kissed... i always kiss them whenever i was there and they come to me...they r used to it...

As i was heading towards baddin's class... i met hatice's class teacher...chatted with her... then i met baddin's class teacher... chatted with her as well... and u know what? i forgot to go to baddin's class to say hi!! (no kissing for boys...else, he'll be shy hehehhe).. bertuah punya mak ... anak sendiri pun lupa.....

Once the kids were back home, i apologized to baddin for not visiting him in class... and u know what his reply was??

(translated into english from turkish)

baddin: Anne..., i saw u today. u were wearing white headscarf, right??

anne: Yup... but if u saw me, why didnt u come to me??

baddin: i was with bekir (his friend). i didnt want to leave him so i didnt say hi to u!

Anne: thinking to herself... anak bertuah!! hahahaahah

so i guess tit for tat eh?

Thank You for hopping by. Hope to see you again soon... :0)